Dear John?

I have never been known to mix words.  I am blunt to a fault, at times.  You never have to guess where you stand with me.  I will tell you if you have a booger hanging from your nose.  You may even thank me for saving you from an embarrassing situation.  I say the truth and sometimes it's ugly.  Sometimes it's witty.  Sometimes it is the last thing you want to hear.  Sometimes it offends people and sometimes people are appreciative of my frankness.  It's a blessing and a curse.


When you have done everything you possibly can think of to foster a relationship and that hasn't worked when do you decide to walk away with your integrity?  How do you continue a friendship with someone that doesn't share a common interest and the same morals and values.  It is not a reciprocal relationship if one party is always the villain and one is always the victim.


To the point, I have decided that the toxicity of the relationship overshadows the blood link.  After many days of thinking and analyzing the situation, I have discovered that if this were any other person I would have terminated it long ago.  I have (selfishly or unselfishly depending on your perspective) decided that it is no longer worth consoling you through your self-inflicted tragedies.  It is too emotionally exhausting.  You are always angry.  It is too labor intensive to stay off your "shit list".  Truth be told, you are not someone I would hand pick to be my friend.   You are not the same calibur of person that my other friends are...the ones I have by my own choosing.  We don't have much in common anymore.  I don't spend my free time the same as you.  I don't parent my children the same as you.  I don't find the same things entertaining.  We have nothing to talk about but your "oh, woe is me" moments.  I believe I have outgrown you.  I am not a 19-year old, single person with no kids looking for the next great party.  I prefer to stay out of the path of self destruction.  Our morals differ greatly.  I don't lie or cheat and it is hard for me to be supportive of a person that does these things when it goes against everything I believe in.  This doesn't make me a martyr, mean, self righteous, judgemental or any other adjective that you may have used to describe me that paints you in a better light.  It just means that I am deciding that living with my principles is more important than continually going against them to maintain a relationship with you.


I grew up with an alcoholic father and I had no choice in that.  I hated it so, as soon as I could, I left the chaos of that environment.  I am an adult now and I can choose which lifestyles I want to be a party to.  I most definitely do not choose this special brand of crazy filled with denial, justification and blame. 


I thought this would be a hard decision but once I made it, I felt the burden lift. Is this a Dear John letter?  Perhaps.  But more importantly, it is closure for me.  I will always love you but I don't think I will ever want to be your friend.

To My Dear Sweet Grandma

Dear, sweet Grandma,

We laid you to rest today.  The pastor did a fine job but like he said everyone has different memories of you but if I would have given your eulogy it would have went a little something like this.

I think you look lovely in your pink suit.  My friend, Jennifer said that you have good hair but I would like to think that you heard us talking about you so you already know that.  I remember when I was little you would put those weird, wiry rollers in your hair held in place with little, pink picks and then you would sit at your kitchen table drinking coffee and puffing on your Merits but not inhaling.  After you pulled those rollers out you would put that pink stuff on your cheeks and lips.

I remember you always had violets growing in the "flower window" and you would put milk in them.  I think they were violets but I am positive it was milk. 

I remember always jumping off your porch instead of using the steps and you would say, "You are going to break your neck".  When Alex was little he would jump off the same way I had many years before and you would say the same to him and tell me that I used to do the same thing and it scared you to death.

I remember that you never ran the sweeper or did the "worsh" on Sunday and there was a reason for that.

I remember you loved the Price is Right and your stories.  In my 20's when I watched them too we would talk about which Lewis boy Reva was married to now.

I remember when Dani was a toddler and we started calling you Grammaw Great and it just kinda stuck.


"Grandma's salad" will be your legacy.

I remember that you wore the beaded bracelet that I had gotten you for Christmas the year before and it made me happy to know that you must have really liked it.

I remembered that you always had Hellman's in your refrigerator and I think that is the reason you can always find a jar in mine.

Grammaw Great, you will forever be in my heart and memories.  Sleep with the angels.