My moods have been so erratic for the last three or four months. Up and Down and all the tools that I have learned to keep from going one way or the other have failed me. I am not completely stuck in a depressive episode but it is there hanging over my head. My anxiety is pretty high fueled by the catastrophic thinking. I should be thankful that I am not a weepy mess. My focus is so bad that I actually forgot where Mandi and I had lunch today. It took me a good minute to recall. My sleep has been erratic too. I can't fall asleep at night and when I finally do I am getting 4 maybe 5 hours at best. I am exhausted all day and end up passing out on the couch at some point during the day. So I am now caught in a vicious cycle of my days and nights being mixed up. I saw the doctor last week and he gave me a new sleep aid. It is supposed to help me fall asleep fast but that has yet to happen. I am having crazy dreams that wake me up. Nothing brutal, just mixed up and crazy. It drives me crazy that I cannot remember them when I wake up so that I can tell them to someone...anyone. I am waiting on blood work to determine if my thyroid is out of whack...or something else. I have gained about 25 pounds since the reunion and my lifestyle and diet is no different than all of the months before. I have all of these great plans in my head. I can't put them into action. There are so many things that I want to do and can't manage to even start them.
Stupid Bipolar.
Vent! Blog! Get it out! It won't cure anything, but venting always helps.
ReplyDeleteOn a semi-related note, journaling helps as well. My ex mother in law is bipolar, and had a lot of short term memory lapses. She started carrying around a journal. If it was worth remembering, she'd jot it down. She'd fill up a book a month, but it helped her cope, and it helped balance her a lot.
*hugs*
I can totally relate. I have been in a mixed mood for months.
ReplyDeleteThat's one of the reasons I started the blog in the first place. I realized I was forgetting things...things I didn't even know I was forgetting until someone pointed it out. It's supposed to warm up here and stop raining by Thursday so hopefully this is the end of no sunlight. On another note...thanks for reading. I am shocked I still haven anyone that still pays attention :)
ReplyDeleteI've been thinking of you for the last few weeks. I hate that things have been so tough for you (and I wish I had something infinitely less lame to say than that). Please know that you've most definitely been missed...
ReplyDelete{Hugs}
You are stuck with me sister.. trust me I know where you are. Having been there with Doug and a recent admittance by him he was using drugs literally shook my world to the core. I am proud to say he is on his meds ONLY now and is currently 11 days clean. But he has learned the beauty of journaling in these 11 days. It has been life changing for him..
ReplyDeleteThere must be something in the air!! Cause I am feeling the exact same way. One minute I am numb head to toe, then I'm devasted, then I'm crying, then screaming, then shut down. My head is a complete mess...and on and on it goes. I too am struggling with my coping skills, it seems like nothing is working.
ReplyDeleteHang in there Donda. So glad you are still here with us. I was getting worried. :)
I second that. Stupid biopolar!
ReplyDelete