New Year's Eve Eve

I made an error in judgment.  Rewind to last Tuesday when I was invited to go out to dinner with a few people from high school.  I tried to resist but Sarah-Belle tempted me with the prospect of mucho chippos.  How can you resist that?  I agreed but I did so knowing that there is no such thing as "just dinner" just like there is no such thing as "just one little drink".  I had to save something for New Year's Eve, didn't I?


Awww!!  Ain't she just precious?  And her Mama and Aunt were just as delightful.


At dinner, Nikki lifted the carafe of salsa and naively asked if it was a Bloody Mary with no celery.  She was convinced (and had convinced us, as well) that Pablo should have been pouring the salsa all along.  Seriously?  Where in the hell do you get your salsa poured for you?  I need to be spoiled like that.  Strike that.  I am too much of a control freak to be having someone else in charge of the chippos.  Jose, just sit them right there.  Gracias.  Now, get the fuck away!  I guess after that blow she shouldn't have been surprised that she would have to exit the building to find the facilities.  I was under the impression that outcans were only popular in truck stops and the year 1908.


It was decided that everyone was going to go to an Irish pub after dinner.  There was to be an event called life-sized Jenga.  While I have no fucking clue what that was, Sarah-Lou and I were convinced by the others that it was early yet and it would be lots of fun.  Sarah-Lou was driving me so I was at her mercy.  There was no Jenga but as soon as we got to the bar, I started spotting celebrity look-a-likes.  I found a guy that looked like that kid on Nickelodeon or Disney with the voice that makes you want to jump off the top floor of a parking garage rather than hear one more syllable.  Fred, I think.  Then I found Chris Tucker.  I was so excited by my find that I scooped him up and made him run lines on the table.  I be shutting up but when he walk away, I be talkin' again.  OK, I am pretty certain that I was the only one being thoroughly entertained by Smoky but whatever.  Our waiter's name was BJ.  I ganked his ink pen after I wrote "I heart BJs" on his arm.  I still have his pen.


We decided that we wanted to dance so we ventured to a club next door.  The DJ looked like Drew Carey, pre-Price is Right, pre-successful lap band surgery.  I talked him into playing some old school tunes.  Nikki thought she was gathering the crew up to leave but not before we did the Humpty Dance.  It's real easy to do.  By this time, my liver had a protective outer coating of vodka and my feet were effin' killing me.  I really was limpin' to the side like my leg was broken.  Somebody had to take my boots off in order for me to make it back to Sarah-Lou's swagger wagon.  


It was nearly three AM...on a week night.  I don't do that.  I never go out on a school night.  I think I kept saying that randomly through the night.  No wonder people kept asking me if I am a school teacher.


There were so many other things that were fun or funny including but not limited to:  Limes with the Salmonella. The prepubescent, nerd boy whose tie I tried to gank.  A real-life, hard-core, Crocodile Dundee pimp that threatened to throw me in the Bay.  I think he meant Ohio River but that's just geography.  The artsy-ones that think Sarah-Lou and I would benefit from an eight week course of "franks n beans".  Grabbing Santa's ass.  The life the lesbian saved.  Shut your face!  I think he's a swinger!  And....I am taking 45% and the dental/vision is still on the table.


As expected, I felt like total crap the next day but I can't recall ever having such a fun Thursday night!