I Resolve To

I make at least one resolution every year and most always they usually don't make it out of January alive.  This year is going to be different.  I have been thinking long and hard about what I want to accomplish this year and at the top of the list is, of course, the age old "quit smoking" and "lose weight".  

Instead of just saying it, I have devised a plan.

To quit smoking (and I have been trying to do this since September)  I am weaning myself off.  I started on Sunday and I am down to seven a day.  Which sounds like a lot but it's really not.  I am awake about 18 hours so that is like one every two and a half hours.  Tomorrow it will be every three and half hours and the next day, four and a half hours and so on until I can go all 18 hours with no smokes.  I have quit three times.  When I was a teenager I smoked with my friend Jamie and when I stopped hanging around with her I didn't smoke anymore.  Just stopped.  When I was 21, I started smoking again after my ex's stupid ass affair.  When I got pregnant with my son, I quit but started again when my ex's son started getting dumped on my doorstep on a regular basis.  I have never talked about him because he passed away in 2005 but one day I will.  In 1999, I quit for the two-week hospital stay when Dr. Letmecutyouthefuckupandsendyouhome ripped my insides to shreds with a lap-scope. I guess you can't count that time because I was mostly sedated and had tubes and shit all hooked up to me.  I think I can, I think I can.

Losing weight.  I have done this too.  And gained it back again.  I was looking at pictures from New Year's Eve, and frankly, I look like the Nutty Professor.  My skin looks like latex and I really, really do not like it.  I know part of it is this stupid medication but mostly it is because my exercise regimen consists of a few trips to the basement with a laundry basket on my hip and lifting the box of wine from the refrigerator.  This is going to be the harder goal.  I like immediate gratification so when I wear my ass out on the treadmill for an hour it really pisses me off that I don't see a difference or feel a difference so in one day, I am defeated.  To accomplish my goal of fifty pounds, I am going to break it down.  Five pounds a month seems like an easier thing to achieve than saying fifty pounds.  By my 39th birthday I will be where I want to be.  I am going to do what I have done in the past to lose weight.  A low-glycemic diet like the one that I had to follow when I had gestational diabetes.  I have a treadmill, a stationary bike, several Wii Fit thingies, a medicine ball and wrist and ankle weights so there is really no excuse for not exercising.  I just need to reprogram my brain.  I think I can, I think I can.

I also want to regulate my sleep and see NKOTB in concert.