Bipolar Love

I get sappy this time of year.  I don't know if it is because of the lack of effin' sunlight or that the holidays ask you to focus on what's important.  

I know I don't say it enough but I have a great husband.  I don't want to paint a picture that everything is perfect or ever has been because that is not the case but he, over time, has become perfect for me.  I know that sounds cliche but it is pretty accurate.  I cannot see me without him in my life.  I can't look ahead and envision a future without him in it.   With my first husband, I could.  It was so easy for me to imagine going out to eat or shopping or pretty much any activity with some other faceless man.  

Beau has always been there for me when it mattered most.  After my near fatal surgery, when my Dad died, every depression, including the one that almost ended it all.  All the bad stuff.

It is hard to be in a relationship with a person with Bipolar.  I recognize that.  It takes a special kind of patience to handle the mood swings, erratic behavior, paranoia, impulsivity, rages and the non-stop crying.  Just when you get comfortable and everything seems to be going smoothly...BAM!

A moment of inattention turns into wondering.  Is he not talking to me because he is talking to someone else?  The paranoia fuels the wondering.  Who are you screwing?  Then the catastrophic thinking takes a life of it's own.  He has found someone else.  He is going to leave me and take our kids and some skanky whore is going to try to raise my kids.  Let me find out who she is.  The impulsivity provokes you to call his phone over and over until he answers because you are not about to be ignored and you have the immediate need to be heard.  You spend hours trying to crack the password to his email and even after he gives you the password you swear up and down there are multiple accounts that he is hiding.  By this time, the agitation owns you.  It is impossible to be anything but angry.  Forgetting to take out the trash is a direct result of your current fling, you asshole!  When you scream until you can't scream anymore, you scream some more.  Until you cry.  Then you cry uncontrollably for hours, days, weeks, months.  You cry until.  Until you wake up out of the depression that is almost sure to follow a mania of such magnitude.

That vicious circle was a big part of our life until the last few years.  Not all of the suspicion was baseless but the mood disorder certainly amplified my reaction to it all.  He stood by me despite it and I love him for that.

Disclaimer:  If any girl ever tries to touch my man I will turn her arms into floor lamps.

Thanksgiving Recap

This kind of mania is excellent for completing tasks.  


In the past four days I have cleaned the hell out of my house, prepped, cooked and served 18 people a scrumptious Thanksgiving feast.  Isn't that bitch beautiful?  That was a rhetorical question.  Of course it is!  We had a few extra this year.  My cousin, Bobbie and her son and our friends from next door.  Everyone was kinda of negative Nelly all day though.

After dinner here for my side of the family, we went to Beau's Mom's.  Every year on Thanksgiving we draw names for the adults.  In addition to drawing a name we always pick a theme.  This year is "locally owned"  or as I call it "sticking it to the man" as gifts cannot be purchased from a chain store.  Beau and I drew the same names we had last year and that was after the second draw because more than half of us got the same exact people we got last year.  There's about 14 of us so I don't know how that happened!  


I took a big chunk out of my Christmas Shopping on Black Friday.  I have almost everything done for my four kids and a few of the extended family.  I put up the Christmas tree today.  Well, we all did that.  I picked Dani up so she would be here for the festivities.  I spread out all of the branches, Beau did the lights and kids put on all of the ornaments...then I rearranged them because I am an anal freak.  I am still not totally satisfied with it.  I think I am going to get different ribbon for the bow and get some kind of string/hooks for the candy canes.  Avery asked if she could eat one...yeah, knock yourself out but don't wonder why your shitting glitter!

I have had a really hard time sitting still today.  I actually stopped in the middle of this post already to make my grocery list.  I really do feel like banging my head into a wall.

Do You?

Why is it that when I have so much to write about I have a hard time putting it into readable text?  It is not like I am depressed an have no energy or desire.  I just can't organize my thoughts.  Do any of my Bipolar readers have this problem?

Pre-Reunion Reunion Preview

Monica   WTF? Did Donda go to EVERY school's prom?? LOL

March 30, 2009 at 6:15pm ·  

Preview of Saturday night.  As soon as I can pull it together I will post about the 20 year Pre-reunion Reunion from my other high school.  My brain is still a big ol' pile of spaghetti.  I am having a really hard time with focus lately.  I haven't even been paying much attention to my facebook lately.  I know, right?  There is no excuse for that!  I really need to figure out how to get my brain back in focus.  I wish it were that easy.  

How I Shut Up a Real Life Reporter

OK, If I haven't said it lately, I crack myself the fuck up.  This was posted on a friend's facebook wall.  This is a local investigative reporter that was recently arrested and charged with his second DUI.  Of course, you know my stance on drinking and driving so I definitely put in my two cents.  What I didn't know until my friend, Jennifer (AKA Cake Bandit) inboxed me to let me know is that, and oh, how did she put it?  "Girl, only you would argue with XXXXXXXX!!! Freaking awesome (and so SO TRUE)!" I was quarreling with a TV personality.  Apparently, this person I was debating is a local reporter.  LMAO and I probably will be for a long time!

FRIEND:  If he'd had my phone number on lock then this embrassing moment would have never happend, shame on you John Boel.... Here it is 502-XXX-XXXX dont be like John, the police dont care who you are and they are beefing up patrol just for the Holiday's. Hey John!!! What kinda bird dont fly???? Arrrrrrrgh!!!!!!

John Boel Charged With DUI

www.wlky.com

LOUISVILLE, Ky. -- WLKY News Anchor John Boel was arrested Saturday night in Bullitt County, Kentucky after pulling into a restaurant parking lot. Sunday, November 7, 2010.

• 
  

  /this.
• • FRIEND:
    Didnt he do a undercover story on City workers drinking on the job???? I bet those cats are loving this, what comes around goes around, nobody is exempt.....
    

    4 hours ago ·
  • RANDOM PERSON:
    

    Fucking hilarious. Second offense and he's still on air? Glad WLKY can muster up the balls to report on their own colleague's fumbles.
    

    4 hours ago · 
  • 
    

    ME:
    This is his 2nd DUI...you would think he would learn!
    

    3 hours ago ·
  • RANDOM PERSON:
    

     Maybe ill run into him at my alcohol education classes!!!
    

    about an hour ago ·
  • REPORTER:
    

     He was fired and he's in treatement...glad you guys are all perfect.
    

    about an hour ago · 
  • ME
    

    ME:  ‎@REPORTER...making the ignorant decision to get in a car after you have had even one drink is dangerous and has nothing to do with perfection.
    

    about an hour ago 
  • REPORTER:
    

     I'm not speaking of his perfection..just everyone else's. John knows he made a mistake...he's now lost his job, his family, everything. so everyone who wanted a pound of flesh? they got it...now don't use his mistake to advertise for cab service. it's in poor taste.
    

    58 minutes ago via  ·
  • ME:
    

     I think it is an excellent opportunity to advertise for cab service. Had he called Yellow Cab or any other taxi service he wouldn't be in this mess. His drunken arrogance got him where he is.
    

    48 minutes ago · 
  • REPORTER:
    

     whatever, like i said...may each of you without sin cast the first stone.
    

    47 minutes ago via  ·
  • ME:
    

    Well, on this particular one I have a whole bag of stones...I NEVER get behind the wheel if I have had even one sip. I don't think I have the right to kill someone's mother.
    

    45 minutes ago 
  • RANDOM PERSON:
    

    We all should all learn from this...i def learned on my own and i had the pirate taxi's number in my cell....Only thing is i learned the 1st time it happened to me...won't be a second time!
    

    43 minutes ago 

Question

So I have decided to add labels to my posts but I am not sure how this works.  If it is republishing all of these posts in the reader can someone let me know?  Please and Thank You :)

Pictures as Promised

A huge change from the princess theme.  The girls love it and they haven't gotten into the guest bed one time...yet!

The Manic Decorator

Thank you, thank you!  I'm manic and I'll be here all week!  Whatever that crazy bartender did when she touched my ponytail holder flung me straight into a manic episode.  


This has been an incredibly busy week.  Where to start.


Well, first off I finally finished the summer/winter wardrobe switch for the girls.  I have yet to do mine and Beau's but I will get to it.  Heck, it was 78 degrees here today so I am really in no hurry.  


The CPAP finally arrived.  It has been a Godsend.  You have no idea unless you have a husband (or wife) with a snore/hum/groan/snore/gasp/moan/snore.  The first night I actually went up to bed at 11:30 and fell asleep within 20 minutes.  Beau a little bit looks like Skeletor when he is wearing it but the noise that is not being emitted from his head is incredibly sexy. He tried to say "I love you" while wearing it and it sounded a little like "idjfidsofjsoidfu".  Yeah, you can't really have a conversation while wearing it but tis OK because Bill, the CPAP guy, was sent from the heavens that day.


I am a new Aunt...again.  Sophia Marie was born 11/11 at 11:55...on Veteran's Day and also the anniversary of the horrific car accident that I was in my Freshman year of high school.  I can't wait to see her to inspect her tiny toes and sniff her precious baby head.


I decided yesterday that it was time to get the girls out of the princess themed room.  I bought paint and new bedding, curtains etc. (don't tell Beau, he hasn't noticed the bank account yet) and started on the painting.  I painted for a cumulative of 9 hours yesterday and today, and at last, I am finally done with the painting.  I am just waiting for it to dry and then I will start moving things back into the room and hopefully it will look really good when it's all said and done.  It better because my legs, arms and back are jacked from all that standing, bending and reaching.  My manic brain never learns.  I don't know what it is but every time I go into this type of episode I need to paint shit.  I need to change shit.  The girls wanted purple but purple makes me want to vomit.  I once did my bathroom in lavender and pansies and it was lovely for like the first week but it was quickly changed because taking a crap in a field of fucking pansies...well whatever!  I just don't like purple.


Disclaimer:  I do not have enough focus to proofread, it's a freakin' miracle I was able to split the ramble into paragraphs.

I Can't Even Think of a Title

My brain is on scatter.  Full blown scatter.  There are a million things I should be doing or want to be doing but I cannot execute the plan.  


For one, I want to finish writing about the reunion but I can't organize my thoughts.  I started the summer/winter clothes switch and I am only half through. 


I am having a hard time focusing lately long enough to read my favorite blogs so I feel disconnected from my bloggie world. 


I am still debating on whether I am going to get rid of the girls' castle bed and put their twin beds back in their room.  Sometimes they will sleep in it and sometimes they go get in the full-size bed in the guest room.  Haylee will no longer sleep on the top bunk so she ends up smooshing Avery.  She smooshes Avery in the big bed too, though.

Avery just hasn't wisened up and tried to demand her own room yet.  

I have about ten loads of laundry waiting for me.  I get started then I get sidetracked and don't make it back.


I want to go shopping so badly.  The trip to the Walmart for paper towels and toothpaste just didn't do it for me.  I need to keep my ass in the house otherwise the savings account will be in dire straights.


I hate the fucking DQ commercial.

20 Year Reunion~Part Two

Introducing the Class of 1990!

photo courtesy of DKellum

Reeling from a mini hangover and exhaustion from walking up four flights of stairs earlier that day, I decided I better get my ass in gear so I had a few glasses of wine while trying to put a multitude of curls in my hair.

The wine most definitely helped because I didn't fall in them tall ass heels one time...even up that stupid ass ramp leading to the venue!  When I say tall, I mean higher than two inches.  Now, I can mark that shit off my bucket list.  I am just as excited about that as the time I danced on the bar at Coyote's!

When we signed in we were issued a name tag with our senior picture on it.  Oh hell, looking at everyone else's sticker I realized that I had the biggest fucking hair in the history of hair.  And, not just big hair, mind you.  Big fucking triangle hair.  Definitely walking like an Egyptian.  Definitely.  Seriously, it is a mystery how I got laid in high school!

Monica and Jennifer arrived about the same time as me.  They have been the only two people that I have kept consistent contact with prior to facebook.  I am up in everybody's mix nowadays.

There were already quite a few people there so we all went into mingling mode.  We had background music but there really wasn't a dance floor so there was no electric sliding.  There was no hammer time.  That was kind of the low point (if I had to name one) because if you get just the precise amount of vodka in my bloodstream I think I can dance.  I spotted April, Shunzetta and Marcus on an open spot of floor busting a move and I decided I too would bust a move.  

At some point we ate some fabulous meatballs and had I thought it all the way through I would have put a Zip-Loc bag in my bra for the late night munchies.  I do believe Jennifer and I made Beau go back to the buffet and get us more meatballs.  Maybe ten.

This is probably the point where I stopped standing up straight and the control tops were just a false sense of security.  

Because I have reconnected via facebook with so many of the folks that attended the reunion, I have a good idea of "where are they now".  I guess the most amazing thing about seeing everyone was actually hearing everyone.  I noticed that everyone sounded exactly the same and remember thinking when do we start sounding old?

This is one of my favorite photos from the night!

Stay tuned for the after party....

20 Year Reunion~Part One

The first of the reunion activities started on Friday night.  A fairly large group met at a small tavern near the school prior to the big Male/Manual football rivalry.  I took my camera but in the excitement of seeing all these folk from twenty years ago I completely forgot to snap even the first photo.

photo courtesy of D.Kellum

After mingling with a lot of the old gang, most people headed to the Stadium to watch the Bulldogs get their ass stomped!  I didn't happen to be one of those people because after a few cocktails, I got caught up in talking with Dawna (she says she is going to start blogging again soon;her anecdotes are hilarious so I hope she finds time) and her husband.  I am kind of kicking myself a little bit because our team won 21-14 but I am not really a sports fanatic despite the fact that when we had the #2 team in the state in 1988, I didn't miss a game.

I was home by 10:30 that night and passed out face first on the couch where I stayed until I half-ass threw myself together to go tour the old place. 
Jennifer called and told me to get off my fat ass and get a move on before she clawed my eyes out.  She's a little bit scary so I flipped her off through the phone and rolled back over shot into action.  It is quite apparent who had their fair share of cranberry the night before.  How in the hell can you be that happy at 11:30 in the morning?   The blonde Jennifer AKA Cake Bandit got us a premium tour. 

It was really great seeing the old place.  For the most part, it looked the same but I couldn't believe what the new generation has done to our communications room.  The letters "WRAM" were no longer in the radio station but the old mixing board was still there.  

The video cameras were not on their tripods as we had left them many years before and there was a couch in the editing room in front of a TV.  What the fuck kind of learning is that?  Not to say that I wouldn't have enjoyed a couch to sleep on back in the day.  Using my back pack for a pillow is probably the reason my head looks like a nickel can of saurkraut now! 

We left a little love note on the chalkboard for our most beloved Biology teacher.  I am guessing he was in the Alumni office checking out old yearbooks to jog his memory this morning!


Stay tuned for Part Two!

Reunion Preview

This weekend was absolutely fabulous!  My reunion was great!  It was awesome seeing so many old faces (or vintage, if you prefer) and catching up with folk that I haven't seen for 20 years or 2 days.  I have way too much laundry to mess with a full-on entry at the moment but I will post a blow-by-blow of this weekend's activities so be watching for it.  

If a picture is worth 1,000 words I think I can get 140 characters for this one...

photo courtesy of MBricken

Just an FYI, that is not the Tootsie Roll or the Cabbage Patch.