The Peon Diaries~Chapter Two

Dear Diary,


Today was a great day!  I arrived at the castle to find that I had my first assignment.  I was greeted by Vera where she handed me my itinerary for the day.  I found it a bit odd that I was only given instructions for the one day; that such a lofty empire would not have activities scheduled weeks in advance.  Apparently, it has something to do with preventing a security breach. I will not know what my day's tasks will be until I arrive.  I guess that makes sense.  I can be flexible.  


Vera explained that I would be tending to the needs of the Princess today.  The Queen would be otherwise indisposed and unable to help the Princess with her charity project.  I am unsure what or where the Queen would be this day but I thought to myself for a moment...that gin most certainly isn't going to drink itself.  Perhaps she is passed out on a luxurious chaise while handsome migrant workers paint her toenails.


Vera showed me to a large room with several tables, a sewing area, paint easels and the like.  The Princess was sitting at one of the tables and she was wearing a bright orange smock that had some white stains on it.  I literally thought she was just sprung from the "big house" where she was released early for good behavior, hence the stains.  That ill impression was quickly erased when the Princess motioned me over to take a seat.  She began explaining the project.  Apparently, I was to help her with this.  Fall wreathes.  Oh my goodness, how I love working with a glue gun.  There was that one incident at that frat party with the hot glue and the testicles but there wasn't really a need for precision for that undertaking.  She went on to explain that she was making fall wreathes for the homeless.  HELLO?  Are you fucking kidding me?  Am I being Punk'd?  Ashton, where you at?  Where the fuck is a vagrant going to hang a wreath?  I know that she could read my thoughts because she went on to explain that they would be sold at the Town Fair and the proceeds would benefit the homeless.  I was just under the impression that she had been in the liquor cabinet before noon on a random Wednesday.

  
As we arranged and attached the foliage and ribbon onto the wicker circles, we did have a few moments of conversation.  She had mentioned that CB, whom I recall was the petite brunette from the sitting room on my first day, wasn't home.  She was attending a court-ordered anger management class.  I didn't press for details but, in all honesty, I was dying to hear the scoop.  I think if I play my cards right, I can get Vera to spill it.  


She mentioned that her true passion was hodgpodge or the modsquad. I am not sure what the hell she was talking about but I think it is a TV show.  I am going to research that in order to learn more about the Princess.  I figure the more I learn about the Royals the easier it will make my job.  I don't want to be caught off guard. 


She mentioned espionage and something about doing laundry through her garbled speech but by this time she had drank enough wine to fill an entire bathtub.  I think she has a catheter because the wench didn't pee once the entire time.  She wasn't making much sense so I am going to file that away as unneeded information until I get further corroboration.  Still, it makes me wonder what kind of back-alley, cockamamey bullshit is going on here.


I have the next two days off but I am still on-call for emergencies.  I need a break already and an ice pack for the glue burns on my fingertips.