Well, Ain't That A Buncha S**t

What can I say about today.  It was eventful, that's for sure.  It started off a little rushed, we woke up 20 minutes later than normal.  I haven't been very productive today in the way of household chores.  I even made a lazy dinner, picking up a couple of those yummy rotisserie chickens from the Kroger deli.  


Beau had his procedure today.  An upper and lower GI.  Preparation for this hot mess of medical technology was super fun.  NOT.  I decided to join Beau yesterday in his all liquid diet as a show of solidarity.  Needless, to say I was starving by 5:00 and broke down and had an instant breakfast drink.  I don't think I would do too good if there ever came a point where I would need to be hooked to a feeding tube.  I need to chew shit.  Beau was just as dissatisfied with the clear broth bullshit.  At one point, a Hardee's commercial was running and I thought he was going to lick the TV.  I would have been real mad too because I just cleaned it!  If you know anything about this particular test you know that you have to drink a whole bunch of nasty stuff and then spend your day tearing up the plumbing.  I smell dead people.  Quick stop to Rite-Aid for some Nutra-Air.


We arrived at the Endoscopy Dept. right on schedule.  The whole thing was done in about an hour and that is when I was allowed to go back to start waking him up from the anesthesia.  The Doctor and Anesthesiologist said everything went fine but they did find three polyps and removed them.  The results will be back on them in about a week but the Doctor reassured me that they did not look cancerous.  What a relief!  Because in all honesty, I was really worried it would be something really bad.  My catastrophic thinking was in full force today.  


The whole experience wasn't dead serious.  There was some humor to it all.  When Beau started to arouse he was saying all kinds of things that made no sense, kept asking me the same question over and over and saying things that were just downright funny!  I know he asked me what time it was about a half dozen times.  When I started to get him dressed he was sitting perched on the side of the bed, groggy and barely helpful.  He was too preoccupied by his new found treasure.  Slipper socks.  Apparently, his feet were cold before the procedure so they gave him a pair of gray slipper socks, the ones with the treads on the bottom.  They looked as if they had been worn and washed about fifty times but that didn't bother Beau.  The conversation is as follows:


Beau:  I like these socks. (slurring)
Me:  Yeah, their nice. (being agreeable)
Beau:  No, I really like them.
Me: I know, Babe. (just going with it)
Beau:  I think I'm gonna keep these socks.
Me:  Ya want me to put them in my purse or something? (laughing)
Beau:  No, I can wear them home.
Me:  I don't think that's gonna work with your flip-flops.
Beau: Uh huh.  Look. See. (jamming his sock feet into the little strappy thing)
Me:  Ummm, that's a serious fashion faux pas. (laughing and quietly thinking Jesus Christ this is worse than them ugly cowboy boots)
Beau:  Nuh uhh. People wear em like this. (still slurring)
Me:  What people?
Beau:  You know.  Them people.
Me:  Umm, no they don't. (shaking my head in disgust)
Beau:  Yeah, you know but with them, umm them, you know (trying to gesture what a sandal would look like if it only had a band across the top, picture Nike sandals with tube socks) them ones that have that thing like that.
Me:  Yeah, people do wear them....in 1992!! 


Anyhow, he is still wearing the socks.  


The nurse had a little fun with him too.  She reminded me a bit of Nurse Jackie, same hair, same stature, same scrubs.  Only she had an English accent and no snorting straw.  That was in view.  She was talking to Beau about his previous kidney stones and the subject came up of how men can't tolerate pain.  After she disconnected his IV, just for fun, she pressed a piece of surgical tape onto his arm and quickly yanked.  The confusion on his face was almost as funny as his garbled speech.  


I must say, the service at Baptist East was impeccable.  If I ever need to get my colon cleansed thoroughly, I know exactly where I am going to go!