Who was the nimrod that invented the washing machine? It had to have been some man. I guess it beats tromping to the creek to beat the shit on a rock. More importantly, who decided humans needed clothes anyway? Most likely a descendant of Gloria Allred. Sometimes you female activists don't think things through.
Why can't I find the hidden political meanings behind "The Wizard of Oz" in a Google search? I knew I should have kept that paper from my 9th grade history class.
I think I need a plumber.
OctoMom's new house is about to be foreclosed on. I wonder when the Repo man is coming for her lips?
Who came up with the old saying, "It's raining cats and dogs"? That doesn't even make sense! Unless you are on an acid trip while watching "Homeward Bound" then it kinda does.
Why do I get excited every time Jeffrey Rogers updates his status on the FB newsfeed thinking Patrick Dempsey finally accepted my friend request?
I need to get the treadmill out of the corner it is buried in.
What is the deal with Whoopi talking in this valley girl voice lately? She is fuckin' me all up with that noise.
Pepsi is going to lower the sodium in their popular products like soda and chips by 25% by 2015. Really? We can put a man on the moon but it is going to take five years to figure out how to tip the shaker up? Do we have to be weaned off like a meth-head? Will there be a salt clinic next to every Kroger in America?
Pauly Shore does rock, I don't care what anybody says. Why can't he make a come back?
Shut up, Brain!
When Beau has his procedure Tuesday does that mean I have to eat fucking Jello all day in show of support. I could always make a Jello-steak mold for dinner Monday night. MMMM Yummy...see my mouth watering?
I bet Sarah Rapley is jonesing for some Facebook.
I need to eat sugar-free Jello.
Now, I am thinking about that stupid ass treadmill again.
What the hell is wrong with Facebook...my notifications aren't working and I wish there was an arsonist App for my Social City. Stupid freezing up Crap!
I wonder how much salt is in Jello.
That tattooed chick that Jesse James was sleeping with looks like she took a tumble into an inkwell and seized for a minute. I wonder if Tiger paid Jesse to take the heat until the Masters is over. It's a conspiracy!
This pork loin is going to be delicious. I need potatoes. That means I have to go to Kroger. That was not in my plan.
I wonder if my shows are new tonight.
I haven't seen a TV ad for Abilify lately. I wonder if the FDA pulled that crazy-making devil drug. Britney Spears was probably taking it when she decided that pink wig was a good look for her.
Why don't they write any comical lines in soap operas? Why is this on my TV? It is warping my brain.
I think I will call Mandi and ask to borrow some potatoes and a cake.
Beau is gonna love this dinner.
Shut up, Brain!
Your brain is on overdrive while mine pulled over at a rest stop...approximately three months ago. Can someone come by and give me a jump???
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