For the past two weeks and steadily progressing, I have been having terrible mood swings. As many as five distinct moods in a two day period. Clinicians call this rapid cycling. I call it a serious pain in the ass. I am currently in what the older generation would refer to as a "rough patch". Yeah, it's rough. I have been crying a lot lately and mostly trying to avoid all human contact. It is hard when you live with so many people to find an escape. Luckily, I am not at the point where I listlessly stare through the television. January, February and March are always the most difficult. Although, I have never been diagnosed with Seasonal Affective Disorder I am definitely affected by the cold and lack of sunlight. I thought about going to the tanning bed. I hear Doctors prescribe that for depressed patients. I am not sure how it works because it seems like you would need to actually see the sun to lift your spirits. Being a pasty, white girl with little fake tan experience, don't you have to wear those bottle-cap goggle thingamabobs over your eyes?
My thought process is also discombobulated. I can't keep focus on any one thing for any period of time. It is like being a 10-year old boy with ADHD let loose in a toy store or maybe a 40-year old virgin let loose in a porn shop. I can't decide.
This is once again affecting my home life. The husband is distraught, the kids are confused and the rest of the family that know I am back down are worried. Worried that I will not be able to get back on the horse. I am not going to let this one keep me down. Not this time, not again. Bi-Polar, I am really tired of you fucking with my emotions.
Jesus, I pray. Please let me wake up "plain". Amen. And, if it is not to much to ask....Can I please have my wit back?
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I will gladly give you five bones to dispute this shit.