In Response to the Twelve Days of Christmas

On the Twelth Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me....Twelve Drummers Drumming. Oh No he didn't!! You know I don't want that racket up in here. You can go ahead and take all them OCD tappity-tappers on up out of this house!!

On the Eleventh Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me...Eleven Pipers Piping. WTF?? Did you get a BOGO on the drummers and pipers? Unless, these are the kind of pipers that can boost my water pressure by 8,000 PSI you are going to have to load them up in the truck and drop them off over there with the drummers!!

On the Tenth Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me.....Ten Lords a Leaping. Now, See!! That is the kinda gift I can really get behind! Men in tights dancing around my living room. It doesn't hurt that every third one looks like Matthew McConaughey!! I will definitely be hittin' up the Ebay for that Festivus Pole!!

On the Ninth Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me....Nine Ladies Dancing. I'm pretty sure he got these for himself! Look here Hookers, you can stay as long as you keep your grubby paws off my Lords...they leap for me!!!

On the Eighth Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me....Eight Maids a Milking. Sadly, I have no livestock to be tended. I don't even play Farmville. However, I do have, laundry, toilets and windows. What's this you say? You specialize in dairy products? Then jog your ass to the kitchen and whip me up a Quiche!!

On the Seventh Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me.....Seven Swans a Swimming. I do hope this is a metaphor for seven insanely hot synchronized swimmers. And, now I must go fill the tub and find my swim cap!!

On the Sixth Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me....Six Geese a Laying. WTF? A gift card would have been sufficient. What are your thoughts on regifting? Merry Christmas Drummers and Pipers!! Enjoy!!

On The Fifth Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me....Five Golden Rings. OH SNAP! This is the best Christmas ever!! Gonna get up in the attic and dig out my hammer pants and my Run DMC cassettes!! Flava Flav eat your heart out!!

On the Fourth Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me....Four Calling Birds. Call girls, NOT call birds. Geez! You never listen to me!

On the Third Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me....Three French Hens. WTF? Did your rich uncle pass and bequeath you an effin' poultry farm? Is this like a cornish hen? Do I stuff it and bake it on 375? There's french wine, french toast, french fries....I could have even learned to play the french horn, ya know!!

On the Second Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me....Two Turtle Doves. More effin' birds? You've got to be shitting me!! Am I being punked? Ashton, where you at?

On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me...A Partridge in a Pear Tree. Bitch, you are going to be delicious with a pear-mango salsa! Thanks Rachel Ray! Your new cookbook is almost as delightful as your voice!

Busy Thinking

My manic brain won't give me a rest! My mind has been racing for days now. In addition, anxiety is rearing it's ugly head. I wonder if there is some chemical that alerts my brain when I am happy to automatically start with the catastrophic thinking? There has been alot going on lately and will continue with the madness throughout the holiday season, I suppose.

Another Thanksgiving has come and gone. Growing up we always went to my Grandma's house for our feast and festivities but since she had to go to a nursing home I host Thanksgiving and my Cousin, Stacey hosts Christmas. We are the only two that has room enough to accommodate the whole crew. The food was superb and time with the family. The usual upbeat, "fun feel" was absent this year and I don't know why. I am thankful, though, that we did have almost all of the family together and that I had another year with my Grandma, she is nearing 91. It was a hard day for Beau's family as this is the first Thanksgiving without his Pappaw. Holidays are hard when you are missing someone. I suspect there should be a vat of moonshine readily available at Christmas. I don't care what they say, liquor does solve your problems. Well, unless your problem happens to be Cirrhosis then I guess your kind of fucked.

Speaking of Christmas, I have little accomplished in that department. I did get the tree erected and decorated as well as most of the other decorations around the house. Beau has put up most of the outside lights but we need more. He has messed up his back again and is hobbling around like Grandpa Biscuits. Hopefully, he will feel better by the weekend so that he can get the rest up.

Mandi, Josh, Frog, Beau and I went out Saturday night. Our night was cut short, very short. Josh was complaining about his back as was Beau and Mandi had heartburn You would think that I was playing shuffleboard with a bunch of geriatrics. I think I am going to have to find a younger crowd to run with.