There is a Content Warning for a Reason

Time is flying past as if I were not paying attention. My mood has been relatively good until just lately. The past three days I have been highly agitated. Actually, it feels like a burning animosity toward everyone and everything. I am also physically tired. Every night for the past three at around 6:00 I start yawning and feel like I just need to pass out or drink a Red Bull or something. I have been pretty busy, buzzing around doing different projects around the house so maybe this is contributing to my exhaustion. Or perhaps, it is just because I am so fired up all day that it is wearing me out. There has been alot of fun in the past two weeks too so I am going to focus on that.

First of all, my Birthday was on a boring Wednesday so I didn't really celebrate it in a big way on that day. We all went to dinner at church. I also had a ton of birthday well wishes from my Facebook friends, which always makes you feel good when not only does someone remember the day, but makes an effort to acknowledge it. Typically, people do not remember my birthday. Beau sent me flowers, anonymously. He had my heart racing. I was heading home from the Doctor's office when he called me to say that someone had flowers delivered to me but he was leaving when the delivery man showed up so he didn't read the card. I arrived home to find a beautiful bouquet of flowers along with a card that simply read, "I love you, Happy Birthday". I called him and he adamantly denied that he sent the flowers and even though I knew he did there was a part of me that thought, "Oh Crap, who is stalking me"! Beau finally confessed. That little pisshead!

Friday was Beau's birthday and I had a bash planned for him. I found out two weeks earlier that he had the same bash planned for me, same night, same place. Great minds think alike. Mandi told him that she would take care of the cake and decorations for him as he was working all day but in reality it was so he would not feel the need to make a trip to the bar for any reason until the expected time of arrival. I did smash the whole front of the cake up against the box it was in trying to remove it from the back seat of my car. I told my Mom the story and she said, "Sissy, why don't you just turn it around?" Seriously, Mother, ya think that would fix it? That's Janice for ya! We had a fantastic time and Beau was completely surprised. We ate, drank and was definitely merry! Beau even sang Karaoke with Terry, Josh and Kevin. Their version of YMCA was hysterical. He smiled alot that night, I think he completely loved his birthday this year.

We had quite an eventful day watching the drug bust at our next door neighbor's house. These people moved in around two months ago and we really don't know anything about them. They always seemed kind of shady to me, though. There were cops and dogs and cameras. It looked like a scene from a movie. Now, being from Portland you would think this type of thing would be mainstream to me but this was actually my first drug bust. I still worry a bit that I am going to fall victim to the Cuban Cartel crossfire.

You had to have that background information to fully appreciate the following tidbit. As you know, I attended a Passion Party hosted by my Sister-in-Law. I ordered some product that I affectionately refer to as "Tupperware" and it should have been delivered on Friday. Buffy called me Saturday afternoon to say that my Tupperware was misdelivered and intercepted by the police and that she would need to contact the Officer to receive the "goods". That was the original version. In reality, our neighbors signed for the package, opened the box and called the police to report a suspicious package. The cop that responded to the call instructed them to keep the box and notify Fedex to pick it up and return to sender. I can't fathom what they all must have been thinking as they were riffling through my massage creams and other various items I will elaborate on in a moment. Buffy was a good sport and went next door to get it for me as I am completely mortified that the crackhead neighbors know the sort of freak I am!

The story continues but now I must warn you, if you are easily offended by the perverse, you should probably go ahead and click that little x at the top of your screen. When I told this story aloud it was a real hoot but I am unsure how it will come across in print. Think twice before you scroll down as you may run out of the room screaming, "My eyes, My eyes"!

We received our Tupperware untouched still sealed in their individual bags, safety seals untampered. Thank Heavens! As I mentioned I have never been to one of those type of parties before and although our sex life is fabulous, it is also pretty conventional. I opted for the orangecicle flavored massage creme, a variety of lubricants, some stimulating gel goop that must contain menthol and by the way, makes a fabulous strawberry Chapstick, and some silicone device called a penis sleeve. It was demonstrated at the party and I had the gist of it's purpose but I must be pretty lame because I had to Google "uses of a penis sleeve". Search results produced "fake vagina". OK, now I am understanding. This is where it gets interesting. Beau and I have a romantic night, candles flickering, massage and foreplay and all of the good stuff you only get on special occcassions or read of in romance novels. Then we got to the part where I lubed up that pink gel thingy and slipped it on my strappin' stud. He really, really, totally and thoroughly enjoyed it until the end when I let go and it shot off like a rocket, hit him on the shoulder then up on the wall. We both laughed so hard!! Did I say hard? OOPS!

I hope that you have not been too scarred by my recap but if you have I think there is a pill for that!

I Call It Plain

Not too up, not too down. I call it "plain". It is not that there have not been alot of notable happenings lately, I just haven't had the urge to write. That usually happens in the "plain" because I just don't feel like the creativity flows as freely. We have now past Halloween and forging ahead to Thanksgiving. My favorite holiday of the year. I am sure that I have mentioned that. It is Christmas without all of the expectations. My Birthday is tomorrow. I will be 37. Father time, you sneaky Bastard!

So what can I say? I haven't written in nearly a month and I really cannot recall all of the events that have happened but I will try.

The girl's fall festival at school went really well and they had tons of fun but I remember being totally exhausted.

Beau, Mandi, Josh and I went to an Anniversary/Halloween party. It was also Mandi's Birthday. We had a great time catching up with old friends and I completely surprised Mandi. She wanted me to go to Angilo's after the party and I told her I wasn't going to and then showed up. It was probably the first time in ages that I had stayed out until I closed down a bar.

Buffy had a passion party. Which if you don't know, it is a smutty Tupperware party. I made my purchase and she and I went out after for a while and had a pretty good time. It was odd not having Beau across the table from me as I rarely go out without him.

Halloween just passed, it was on a Saturday this year. Haylee was a midnight fairy and Avery was a pumpkin. I had to make a few items to accessorize the fairy costume. Haylee had her mind set on it, the costume store only had the one like it and it was missing pieces. We went to the block party in my Sister-in-law's court. There are boothes set up carnival style with games, face painting and food. After we got the kids home and settled into bed Beau decided he wanted to go out with some urging from our neighbor, Kevin. So the three of us headed up to the New View. I wasn't really feeling it being tired from the night before and the whole trick or treat extravaganza. Also, my eye is afflicted again. I don't know what is the deal but I am really tired of being all "Hitched up"! It is still like this, red and watery and my tear duct is swollen. I am definitely taking my eye to the doctor tomorrow! We did see some really neat costumes. My favorite was the little pug on a leash dressed as a chicken and the huge, strapping white dude dressed as Aunt Jemima.

Tomorrow will be a "me" day. I plan to lay on the couch, dictate the remote, do no laundry and possibly give myself a pedicure if I feel like working that hard!