What can I say? I think I am losing my ever lovin' mind! I picked Avery up from school early today for a dentist appointment, signed in and was promptly informed her appointment is not until tomorrow! On the bright side, it wasn't yesterday! I feel like my brain is on turbo charge!
I have been playing catch up on the housekeeping front today. I am still tending to laundry which is a vicious cycle. I am going to buy a pair of rose colored glasses and move to a nudist colony!
I have also been putting together more fall decor. I have most of it displayed but still need to make a trip for more flowers and two small pumpkins for my coffee table centerpiece. My mind is in creative mode.
I was pleasantly surprised last night when Haylee's teacher messaged me on Facebook commending her performance and maturity this school year. Haylee had the same teacher last year and she says Haylee is a model student this year! There is nothing that makes you feel prouder when a teacher goes out of their way to let you know your child is doing, well except that your child is doing well. I was beaming!
Alex's birthday is Friday. He will be fourteen. It is also his football homecoming so we will need to find a snazzy outfit for his first high school dance! Perhaps the new "fit" can double as a birthday gift. Nah, I don't think he is going to go for that!
Danielle is having some issues with her dorm mates. She has not meshed well with them and is taking every opportunity to avoid them. They are making living there uncomfortable for her. Instead of talking about the things that are bothering them they are leaving notes on doors instructing her what she can and cannot do. Apparently, they are all passive-aggressive! Specifically, she has allowed Lauren and John to spend the night on several occasions and according to the rules this is acceptable as long as the roommates are all in agreement. At the beginning of the year they were supposed to have agreed upon a set of "house rules" but have never done it. She is miserable so I called a Resident Adviser to discuss her options. She can move to another dorm room free of charge one time or they can have a mediation type meeting to hash out their issues. She is not going to take a course of action yet and says that she can handle it but I suspect the only thing she will do is work harder to ensure that they never interface! I am truly worried about her.
Tomorrow's a new day!
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Fall, Rain and Back Pain
I have been feeling a little yucky today. I got the girls off to school and came home and laid on the heating pad for a bit. My back felt as if someone grabbed my shoulders and crammed them into each other. I ended up falling back to sleep on the couch for a few hours. I hate when I do that because it takes me even longer to get it going.
I ended up pulling out my fall decorations, sorting through them and deciding which ones I want to use this year. I had a large piece of autumn inspired fabric that I sewed into a shower curtain by hand. It actually turned out pretty good despite my lack of sewing skills. I need to make a trip sometime this week to pick up some foliage. In the spirit of fall, I prepared a mini-Thanksgiving feast. Which was absolutely delicious so I ended up eating more than I should have resulting in a food coma. My chest and stomach started hurting and ended up falling asleep again! Apparently, I must have needed it. Luckily, my fabulous husband tended to the girls. Since I woke up, I swear I have been popping Rolaids and Ibuprofen like M&Ms! It finally stopped bothering me just a while ago. Thank God!
It has been raining so much. Nearly four inches came down yesterday and we have a chance of rain for the next ten days. This really puts a damper on my porch painting plan! Danielle was here for the weekend and when we attempted to take her back to campus last night it was pouring so hard that we made it two exits down I-65 and decided it would be better not to risk it as it was much worse in Indiana. My anxiety was so high and the hydroplaning did not help matters. Danielle missed her first day of classes today. Not good. This may be a good lesson that she should try to stay on campus some weekends.
Because I slept most of the day away, I don't feel like I was nearly as productive as I needed to be. It so bums me out. I have to look forward to a long day of catch up tomorrow. Aces!
I ended up pulling out my fall decorations, sorting through them and deciding which ones I want to use this year. I had a large piece of autumn inspired fabric that I sewed into a shower curtain by hand. It actually turned out pretty good despite my lack of sewing skills. I need to make a trip sometime this week to pick up some foliage. In the spirit of fall, I prepared a mini-Thanksgiving feast. Which was absolutely delicious so I ended up eating more than I should have resulting in a food coma. My chest and stomach started hurting and ended up falling asleep again! Apparently, I must have needed it. Luckily, my fabulous husband tended to the girls. Since I woke up, I swear I have been popping Rolaids and Ibuprofen like M&Ms! It finally stopped bothering me just a while ago. Thank God!
It has been raining so much. Nearly four inches came down yesterday and we have a chance of rain for the next ten days. This really puts a damper on my porch painting plan! Danielle was here for the weekend and when we attempted to take her back to campus last night it was pouring so hard that we made it two exits down I-65 and decided it would be better not to risk it as it was much worse in Indiana. My anxiety was so high and the hydroplaning did not help matters. Danielle missed her first day of classes today. Not good. This may be a good lesson that she should try to stay on campus some weekends.
Because I slept most of the day away, I don't feel like I was nearly as productive as I needed to be. It so bums me out. I have to look forward to a long day of catch up tomorrow. Aces!
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Hail to Kid N Play
My manic brain. It is a blessing and a curse. It allows me to be creative and productive and absolutely marvelous. It also prevents me from sleeping correctly, sometimes unable to finish a thought and my patience level is nil. If you are speaking and I cut you off it is not because I am uninterested, it simply means that my brain is working way faster than you or I could ever speak and if I don't say it, whatever it is, it will be gone. Dust. Immediate gratification is a must. Because of my racing mind, I have a lot of really good ideas that must come to fruition. This is how most of my home projects come to life. My latest project is to begin painting the porch and railing. I malled over color choices for over a half hour yesterday, purchased the paint and needed to wait until today for Beau to use the power washer on it all. It is raining. This means that my plan will be on delay until the weather clears. Luckily, I bought the makings for a really nice fall wreath. I will be channeling my creative energies into that later today.
Beau sold our boat the other day and made the transaction for the bigger boat this morning. He just has to go pick it up from the slip it currently resides in and he is waiting for the rain to subside. So needless to say, 15 minutes after he sold his boat he began being a nice guy again. Even though he denies it, I know he was punishing me because he wanted the new boat "right now" and I wouldn't budge on the "the old one must go before you drag another one into my driveway". I have seen the new monster and it is much bigger than Lucy. It can hold up to twelve people so that means when we all go camping we don't have to take rides in shifts. Our family and Mandi's family will fit comfortably and this was the selling point for me. While I love my husband and kids everything is usually much more fun with Mandi. She is my MadTV! It has a hidden compartment underneath that we can put the kids in to be shaded from the sun. This summer is nearly over but there are many more summers to come. At least until he decides to sell this one off. Did I mention he loves Craigslist. He scans it as I do Facebook.
Oddly, Beau asked if I wanted to go out last night. Usually, it is me with the hankering for some semblance of a night life. We had great fun! I did not sing the karaoke, thankfully. But I did manage to find another Dancing Drunkle. I proceed to the dance floor and get a few feet away from the Drunkle and he pesters me for the rest of the night. Geez Louise! OK, I may have given off the wrong signals beings at some point I hiked my leg on him. I am sure that somewhere in the 90's this was an actual dance move, however, you just don't see it these days. God love Kid N Play! How I get myself into those situations is beyond me. OK, I know how I get myself into those situations. Funky Cold Medina! That's all I'm saying.
I ran into someone from my past. A Coordinator from a treatment facility where I was a patient. Lovely. Not awkward at all! I can't even remember how the topic came up. His girlfriend was very nice though and explained her ex-husband also suffers from BPD but unlike me he refuses to take his medication properly. It is hard for me to understand those people. Without medication, it is completely uncomfortable. Physically, mentally, emotionally. Being totally fantastic is exhausting and the human body was not designed for non-stop go, go, go. Not to mention, what goes up must come down. I have not had a major depressive episode for over a year now. With the life circumstances and challenges that we have faced as a family in the past year I can only attribute this to medication. So, if you have Bipolar or think you may have the greatest piece of advice I will ever give is once you find the right medication for you don't stop taking it!
Beau sold our boat the other day and made the transaction for the bigger boat this morning. He just has to go pick it up from the slip it currently resides in and he is waiting for the rain to subside. So needless to say, 15 minutes after he sold his boat he began being a nice guy again. Even though he denies it, I know he was punishing me because he wanted the new boat "right now" and I wouldn't budge on the "the old one must go before you drag another one into my driveway". I have seen the new monster and it is much bigger than Lucy. It can hold up to twelve people so that means when we all go camping we don't have to take rides in shifts. Our family and Mandi's family will fit comfortably and this was the selling point for me. While I love my husband and kids everything is usually much more fun with Mandi. She is my MadTV! It has a hidden compartment underneath that we can put the kids in to be shaded from the sun. This summer is nearly over but there are many more summers to come. At least until he decides to sell this one off. Did I mention he loves Craigslist. He scans it as I do Facebook.
Oddly, Beau asked if I wanted to go out last night. Usually, it is me with the hankering for some semblance of a night life. We had great fun! I did not sing the karaoke, thankfully. But I did manage to find another Dancing Drunkle. I proceed to the dance floor and get a few feet away from the Drunkle and he pesters me for the rest of the night. Geez Louise! OK, I may have given off the wrong signals beings at some point I hiked my leg on him. I am sure that somewhere in the 90's this was an actual dance move, however, you just don't see it these days. God love Kid N Play! How I get myself into those situations is beyond me. OK, I know how I get myself into those situations. Funky Cold Medina! That's all I'm saying.
I ran into someone from my past. A Coordinator from a treatment facility where I was a patient. Lovely. Not awkward at all! I can't even remember how the topic came up. His girlfriend was very nice though and explained her ex-husband also suffers from BPD but unlike me he refuses to take his medication properly. It is hard for me to understand those people. Without medication, it is completely uncomfortable. Physically, mentally, emotionally. Being totally fantastic is exhausting and the human body was not designed for non-stop go, go, go. Not to mention, what goes up must come down. I have not had a major depressive episode for over a year now. With the life circumstances and challenges that we have faced as a family in the past year I can only attribute this to medication. So, if you have Bipolar or think you may have the greatest piece of advice I will ever give is once you find the right medication for you don't stop taking it!
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Bitch, Bitch, Bitch
Today has been a rather productive day. I cleaned multiple rooms, washed multiple loads of laundry, took Haylee to the pediadontist where she did not have a total meltdown, shockingly. She had to be referred out for a filling because she totally wigged on her regular dentist (with nitrous) and he almost stabbed himself with the Novocaine. I think they are going to have to tie her ass down on a papoose board and turn the nitrous setting on "you got knocked the fuck out"! I also cleaned out the junk drawer which is a project that has been long overdue. I don't know why I call it the junk drawer though. It was more like a pencil, pen, marker, crayon drawer. I filled half a shoe box sized storage container. Redonkalus! If I'm feeling froggy tomorrow I think I will take a stab at the drawers in the coffee table.
It seems to be a full moon and for some reason I am the only lucky soul to not be affected by it. I better knock on wood. Everyone around me is in a horrible mood. This is an oddity. Mandi called and burned my hear for nearly half an hour about how bad her knee hurts. She thinks she may have chipped the bone. Not that she was being nasty to me or anything. Just some minor complaining. Danielle has been on some kind of kick lately. One, she busted the screen on her brand spanking new laptop. Cause: unknown. Sure, whatever. Second, she seems to be very perturbed that I have volunteered to help out the PTA at Haylee and Avery's school. Root cause: Jealousy. When she was in Elementary and Middle, I always worked and at times 50 plus hours per week. Part of that time I was a single mom and most of that time I was with my loser ex-husband who totally destroyed me mentally. While I can understand her "you can do it for them but not for me mentality", she needs to understand that I am doing this for me. For the first time that I can remember since I was seventeen I am home alone all day. The whole day and there are only so many times that I can scrub the toilet. Man, the toilet shines! Did you say you needed a beverage? Haylee, Avery and Alex have some form of the Ohio Valley Crud. I had to pick Alex up from school at 9:30 this morning when he called me and told me he had a sore throat and his eyes were burning. Beau has been in a bad mood for the past two days. I believe it has something to do with the new boat that he wants to buy. I told him under no circumstances is he to purchase another boat until he sells the current one. He has given me the silent treatment since that statement was made. Pretty petty if you ask me. When I ask him what is wrong, his reply is nothing and that he is just tired. Passive-aggressive much?
Anyway, this has turned into a rant which was not my intention. Join in my good mood and have a wonderful Friday!
It seems to be a full moon and for some reason I am the only lucky soul to not be affected by it. I better knock on wood. Everyone around me is in a horrible mood. This is an oddity. Mandi called and burned my hear for nearly half an hour about how bad her knee hurts. She thinks she may have chipped the bone. Not that she was being nasty to me or anything. Just some minor complaining. Danielle has been on some kind of kick lately. One, she busted the screen on her brand spanking new laptop. Cause: unknown. Sure, whatever. Second, she seems to be very perturbed that I have volunteered to help out the PTA at Haylee and Avery's school. Root cause: Jealousy. When she was in Elementary and Middle, I always worked and at times 50 plus hours per week. Part of that time I was a single mom and most of that time I was with my loser ex-husband who totally destroyed me mentally. While I can understand her "you can do it for them but not for me mentality", she needs to understand that I am doing this for me. For the first time that I can remember since I was seventeen I am home alone all day. The whole day and there are only so many times that I can scrub the toilet. Man, the toilet shines! Did you say you needed a beverage? Haylee, Avery and Alex have some form of the Ohio Valley Crud. I had to pick Alex up from school at 9:30 this morning when he called me and told me he had a sore throat and his eyes were burning. Beau has been in a bad mood for the past two days. I believe it has something to do with the new boat that he wants to buy. I told him under no circumstances is he to purchase another boat until he sells the current one. He has given me the silent treatment since that statement was made. Pretty petty if you ask me. When I ask him what is wrong, his reply is nothing and that he is just tired. Passive-aggressive much?
Anyway, this has turned into a rant which was not my intention. Join in my good mood and have a wonderful Friday!
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
That Just Burns My Biscuits
I am having a decent day. My mood is neither up nor down. But I do feel a little agitation coming on. Pulling into my driveway this afternoon a cop was following a little too closely. He almost took out my trunk. Good thing I wasn't haulin' the shine today! Besides annoying me it got me to thinking. There are some things that just burn my biscuits!
Speeding wreckless drivers, why are you in such a hurry? I got a speeding ticket in 1996, it was a hundred bucks. I learned my lesson and now I always do the speed limit. Slow down, your lack of preparation is not my sense of emergency.
Parts: Car parts, boat parts, computer parts, truck parts, stereo parts, gun parts. It is not necessary to explain your parts to me in extensive detail. Beau, Josh and Frog are usually the ones that bombards me with these topics. I can only be interested in this dribble for so long and then I can't anymore. I do not babble incessantly about my newest mascara, how the wand is shorter than the one I had before, how I believe it comes in blue, that I might buy the blue next time I go to Rite Aid, how I would definitely rock it out if it came in green, how it claims to be waterproof but when I was splashed with the hose it ran down my face. Got it? Good!
Stay out of my clean kitchen. You just ate. That's it.
Passive-aggressive people: I must admit, I know this is a deep-seeded issue from childhood caused by my mother. When I was a teenager, My dad would tell me to wash the dishes before I was even done eating. Mother, would immediately get up and proceed to wash the dishes. I would get screamed at and sometimes grounded. Now, I used to think that she was just doing it to be nice or so Dad wouldn't be mad that the dishes weren't washed. After watching her for the past few years with adult eyes I see that she reacts to almost every situation passive-aggressively and this was no different. Don't tell me you don't mind if I have a girls night out and then give me the silent treatment as a punishment. Mean what you say and say what you mean!
Don't talk to me when I am reading. I can't hear you. I am so deeply focused when I read that I am oblivious to your existence. It does not help your cause to put your nose an inch from mine or to yell my name over and over. You will not get the response that you are craving. I bet you think that I am speaking of my children. Nope. Grown folk.
Telemarketers that call me in Spanish. I can't understand you. Just because my last name is Flores does not mean that I do not speak English. So when I say, no habla Espanol (left over from 9th grade Spanish class) either speak American, transfer me or simply hang up. My feelings will not be hurt. And Dear State Farm, stop mailing me fucking post cards in Spanish!
When watching a movie, people that look over at me to see if I am laughing, crying or otherwise displaying some type of emotion. Just watch the movie that you shelled out eight bucks for!
Snoring: any type of snoring, even someone mocking someone snoring. It drives me insane! Almost everyone I know snores including me or so I have been told. For some reason these people these usually end up on my couch at some point in time. It sounds like your chewing on your face. Beau, God love him. He has tried nose spray, nose strips, the fan blowing directly in his face with little remedy. His snore is like no other. It's not that it is overly loud. He has a snore/hum and not in a melodic way and there is not any type of rhythm to it either. It goes something like this: GRRAAAA, HMMMM, HMMM, GRAAAA, BRWOOOO, HMMMM, GRAAA, BAROOOO, UHUHUH! So when I say, "Goodnight, sleep tight" what I really mean is "Goodnight, hope you don't get the shit kicked out of you tonight"!
Speeding wreckless drivers, why are you in such a hurry? I got a speeding ticket in 1996, it was a hundred bucks. I learned my lesson and now I always do the speed limit. Slow down, your lack of preparation is not my sense of emergency.
Parts: Car parts, boat parts, computer parts, truck parts, stereo parts, gun parts. It is not necessary to explain your parts to me in extensive detail. Beau, Josh and Frog are usually the ones that bombards me with these topics. I can only be interested in this dribble for so long and then I can't anymore. I do not babble incessantly about my newest mascara, how the wand is shorter than the one I had before, how I believe it comes in blue, that I might buy the blue next time I go to Rite Aid, how I would definitely rock it out if it came in green, how it claims to be waterproof but when I was splashed with the hose it ran down my face. Got it? Good!
Stay out of my clean kitchen. You just ate. That's it.
Passive-aggressive people: I must admit, I know this is a deep-seeded issue from childhood caused by my mother. When I was a teenager, My dad would tell me to wash the dishes before I was even done eating. Mother, would immediately get up and proceed to wash the dishes. I would get screamed at and sometimes grounded. Now, I used to think that she was just doing it to be nice or so Dad wouldn't be mad that the dishes weren't washed. After watching her for the past few years with adult eyes I see that she reacts to almost every situation passive-aggressively and this was no different. Don't tell me you don't mind if I have a girls night out and then give me the silent treatment as a punishment. Mean what you say and say what you mean!
Don't talk to me when I am reading. I can't hear you. I am so deeply focused when I read that I am oblivious to your existence. It does not help your cause to put your nose an inch from mine or to yell my name over and over. You will not get the response that you are craving. I bet you think that I am speaking of my children. Nope. Grown folk.
Telemarketers that call me in Spanish. I can't understand you. Just because my last name is Flores does not mean that I do not speak English. So when I say, no habla Espanol (left over from 9th grade Spanish class) either speak American, transfer me or simply hang up. My feelings will not be hurt. And Dear State Farm, stop mailing me fucking post cards in Spanish!
When watching a movie, people that look over at me to see if I am laughing, crying or otherwise displaying some type of emotion. Just watch the movie that you shelled out eight bucks for!
Snoring: any type of snoring, even someone mocking someone snoring. It drives me insane! Almost everyone I know snores including me or so I have been told. For some reason these people these usually end up on my couch at some point in time. It sounds like your chewing on your face. Beau, God love him. He has tried nose spray, nose strips, the fan blowing directly in his face with little remedy. His snore is like no other. It's not that it is overly loud. He has a snore/hum and not in a melodic way and there is not any type of rhythm to it either. It goes something like this: GRRAAAA, HMMMM, HMMM, GRAAAA, BRWOOOO, HMMMM, GRAAA, BAROOOO, UHUHUH! So when I say, "Goodnight, sleep tight" what I really mean is "Goodnight, hope you don't get the shit kicked out of you tonight"!
Friday, September 11, 2009
Obsessions
Today I am in a fairly decent mood. A bit on the manic side. My brain has really been hot wired this week. I have been busy most of the day cleaning and organizing the girls' bedroom. I think I make a bigger mess than they do. I ended up dumping all of their toy boxes into the middle of the floor and organized them by toy type. I try to do this about once a month but it does not always happen. I don't know why I bother. They could care less if the My Little Pony's are mixed up with the Barbies! I know I am a little obsessive about it but it just makes me feel better.
We also went to look at a new boat. I am getting really tired of the boat swapping bullshit. Originally, it was the SS Minner or as I call it the ugliest fucking boat ever! Then Beau decided we needed a boat that was not a project boat...one that actually ran! So, OK, I was good with that. Besides the bruise on my shoulder the size of a lemon that makes people wonder if I know Chris Brown caused by the bumpity, bump, bump because he wants to go 80 miles per hour this boat makes for a nice time. But we can't be satisfied. We have to have a bigger boat. He searches constantly online for boats. He joins boat forums. Fuck, the movie we are watching right now is set in a flippin' marina! I do think the boy is obsessed!
Speaking of obsession. I have been clocking alot of hours on Facebook lately. I have recruited Mandi into my sinister occult! Now, instead of calling each other several times a day we just message each other. I was surfing YouTube and apparently there are Facebook etiquette rules. I have come to the conclusion that I break most of them. I know that I update my status often. So, it's my status, scroll past if it bores you! Not to mention, if you are not busy playing a game or busy ignoring a chat box from Joe Blow that is trying to chat you up, you know darn well you are hitting refresh over and over to see the next new thing. I have way more photos and albums then most of my friends. The facebook albums are way more organized than "my documents". If you saw the state of disarray you would not want to rummage through them to find one photo either. I try really hard not to post a ton of high scores from the games I play but sometimes you just want to brag on yourself. Do you know how many games of Farkle I had to play to score 12, 000? On the other hand, I do understand how monotonous it is to see a Mafia Wars update over and over again. Sometimes I just want to puke an untraceable cell phone! The one thing I don't do but am very annoyed by is the "stalking of the page" and the "stealing of the friends". I am pretty certain that my Ex's wife views my page daily. I could always block her but why bother. I am flattered that she thinks I am that interesting. Geez, just request me as a friend! Anyhow, I may need to find another hobby before I get a bedsore! C'mon somebody roll my ass over!
OK...I am going back to my Facebook page now!
We also went to look at a new boat. I am getting really tired of the boat swapping bullshit. Originally, it was the SS Minner or as I call it the ugliest fucking boat ever! Then Beau decided we needed a boat that was not a project boat...one that actually ran! So, OK, I was good with that. Besides the bruise on my shoulder the size of a lemon that makes people wonder if I know Chris Brown caused by the bumpity, bump, bump because he wants to go 80 miles per hour this boat makes for a nice time. But we can't be satisfied. We have to have a bigger boat. He searches constantly online for boats. He joins boat forums. Fuck, the movie we are watching right now is set in a flippin' marina! I do think the boy is obsessed!
Speaking of obsession. I have been clocking alot of hours on Facebook lately. I have recruited Mandi into my sinister occult! Now, instead of calling each other several times a day we just message each other. I was surfing YouTube and apparently there are Facebook etiquette rules. I have come to the conclusion that I break most of them. I know that I update my status often. So, it's my status, scroll past if it bores you! Not to mention, if you are not busy playing a game or busy ignoring a chat box from Joe Blow that is trying to chat you up, you know darn well you are hitting refresh over and over to see the next new thing. I have way more photos and albums then most of my friends. The facebook albums are way more organized than "my documents". If you saw the state of disarray you would not want to rummage through them to find one photo either. I try really hard not to post a ton of high scores from the games I play but sometimes you just want to brag on yourself. Do you know how many games of Farkle I had to play to score 12, 000? On the other hand, I do understand how monotonous it is to see a Mafia Wars update over and over again. Sometimes I just want to puke an untraceable cell phone! The one thing I don't do but am very annoyed by is the "stalking of the page" and the "stealing of the friends". I am pretty certain that my Ex's wife views my page daily. I could always block her but why bother. I am flattered that she thinks I am that interesting. Geez, just request me as a friend! Anyhow, I may need to find another hobby before I get a bedsore! C'mon somebody roll my ass over!
OK...I am going back to my Facebook page now!
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Let's Talk About Sex Baby
Today has been a busy day with a few things going on. I woke up completely exhausted so after I dropped the girls off I came home, drank another two cups of coffee and said screw it! I set the alarm (actually all three of the alarms) on my cell phone to wake me up in 45 minutes. I had a therapy appointment, Alex had a dentist appointment and I also took Alex to get his meningitis vaccine. Later in the evening we had the Open House at Haylee and Avery's school. Needless to say, I did not get anything done in the way of household chores. I suspect tomorrow will be a grueling day of not eating Bon-Bons while not watching my stories.
I requested the help of my FaceBook friends today to suggest a topic that I should write about. There were several good ideas and I am sure at some point I will write about them all. The first suggestion was "sex". Obviously, a man's idea! And probably a hope that I will put my literary skills to use as a hardcore porn blogger. No such luck boys! But something did happen today with Alex that makes me think the "sex talk" is the way this entry should go.
I took Alex to get his meningitis vaccine today at the Health Department. I have never been to one of those places but everyone was very nice and there was no wait at all with only a few people there. There was a clear, plastic box hanging on the wall. It contained brown lunch bags folded flat and stapled at the top. I knew what it was. Alex wanted to know what it was. I said to him, "go on over there and get one". He walked over, picked one up and brought it back to where we were sitting. He opened it carefully to inspect the contents. I watched his face the entire time. He pulled out a string of condoms! JACKPOT! The look on his face was priceless. He began reading the information pamphlet that was tucked inside not looking nearly as important as this new treasure. Of course, my first comment was "you know all these people in here just saw you go get that bag and they know what is in that bag". He blushed. Probably, not the kind of thing you want to talk about with your mother if you are a 14 year old boy! I don't even want to think about how he probably took that paper bag into the bathroom to try on his new "outfit" as soon as we got home!
I have never been bashful about telling my kids what I think about sex, diseases, prevention, pregnancy and any other thing that has to do with completely altering the course of your life for two minutes of something not so special that you have built up in your mind for hours, days and even years! For that matter, I educate their friends as well. I had an infant explode from my uterus before I could drive a car. If what I have learned by being a teenage mother can keep one kid from having to completely rearrange all of their dreams and goals for their lives then my ranting makes it worth it.
What I tell them:
Don't have sex
If you have sex use a condom or you will get a nasty disease and your parts will shrivel up and fall off/out
If you have sex you better tell me
Don't have sex until your married
Sex is not love
If you are a girl and you get pregnant before you have a degree I will be dragging your ass to Market Street (sorry if this offends uber Christians)
If you are a boy you better not get a girl pregnant because I am going to have a real hard time dragging someone else's child down to the clinic.
Sex will ruin your reputation
Don't have sex until I say you can
This brings me to the conversation that took place between Danielle's friend and myself. She pulled a packet of birth control pills from her purse and studying it intensely she said, "Oh Shit, What day is this?" as if she had forgotten to take one. She had a shit eating grin on her face when I said, "Honey, if you ain't been boning anybody lately I don't think you need to be "Oh shittin"! These kids do not need to be having sex, period! They do good to know what day it is!
I requested the help of my FaceBook friends today to suggest a topic that I should write about. There were several good ideas and I am sure at some point I will write about them all. The first suggestion was "sex". Obviously, a man's idea! And probably a hope that I will put my literary skills to use as a hardcore porn blogger. No such luck boys! But something did happen today with Alex that makes me think the "sex talk" is the way this entry should go.
I took Alex to get his meningitis vaccine today at the Health Department. I have never been to one of those places but everyone was very nice and there was no wait at all with only a few people there. There was a clear, plastic box hanging on the wall. It contained brown lunch bags folded flat and stapled at the top. I knew what it was. Alex wanted to know what it was. I said to him, "go on over there and get one". He walked over, picked one up and brought it back to where we were sitting. He opened it carefully to inspect the contents. I watched his face the entire time. He pulled out a string of condoms! JACKPOT! The look on his face was priceless. He began reading the information pamphlet that was tucked inside not looking nearly as important as this new treasure. Of course, my first comment was "you know all these people in here just saw you go get that bag and they know what is in that bag". He blushed. Probably, not the kind of thing you want to talk about with your mother if you are a 14 year old boy! I don't even want to think about how he probably took that paper bag into the bathroom to try on his new "outfit" as soon as we got home!
I have never been bashful about telling my kids what I think about sex, diseases, prevention, pregnancy and any other thing that has to do with completely altering the course of your life for two minutes of something not so special that you have built up in your mind for hours, days and even years! For that matter, I educate their friends as well. I had an infant explode from my uterus before I could drive a car. If what I have learned by being a teenage mother can keep one kid from having to completely rearrange all of their dreams and goals for their lives then my ranting makes it worth it.
What I tell them:
Don't have sex
If you have sex use a condom or you will get a nasty disease and your parts will shrivel up and fall off/out
If you have sex you better tell me
Don't have sex until your married
Sex is not love
If you are a girl and you get pregnant before you have a degree I will be dragging your ass to Market Street (sorry if this offends uber Christians)
If you are a boy you better not get a girl pregnant because I am going to have a real hard time dragging someone else's child down to the clinic.
Sex will ruin your reputation
Don't have sex until I say you can
This brings me to the conversation that took place between Danielle's friend and myself. She pulled a packet of birth control pills from her purse and studying it intensely she said, "Oh Shit, What day is this?" as if she had forgotten to take one. She had a shit eating grin on her face when I said, "Honey, if you ain't been boning anybody lately I don't think you need to be "Oh shittin"! These kids do not need to be having sex, period! They do good to know what day it is!
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Scorched, Wet and Trippin'
Labor Day Holiday. More like Labor and less like Holiday. Let me start by saying that my mood has been less than chipper of late. Almost everything that has fallen out of my mouth has been negative, condescending or just down right evil.
Our camping trip was a bust. Not so bad that it would be classified as a total disaster but bad enough that it most likely won't be looked back upon and laughed about. I am not sure that I can properly describe the events of our trip. First of all, we got a late start so when we arrived at the lake we only had a little daylight left to set up tents and organize all of the camping gear. I had pre-cooked the best BBQ pulled pork ever. Because it was nearly nine 0' clock by the time we set up camp we were all starving. Now, if you know Beau you know that he is not a man's man. He does not scratch and spit. He certainly does not wear an apron adorning the words, "kiss the cook" and he has only flipped a few hot dogs on a few occasions. I am the Grillmaster! He just likes to catch shit on fire! So in our haste to eat, he doused the coals with an excessive amount of lighter fluid (frequently) to get it really hot, really fast. All the time, the pan of yummy barbecue is beginning to warm and I would walk past it occassionally to give it a little stir. By this time, I am about halfway through a bottle of white and "talking up" how good my barbecue is. How I baked it for six hours the day before and how the spices are absolutely perfect. I fix the girls a plate and sit them at the picnic table. Beau, Terry and Alex are busy with their own plate. I sit down with mine and Terry and Alex with bun in hand look at me like I have two heads and Alex shyly asks, "Uhh Mom, did you taste this?" Oh My Lord! It tasted like an eighth grade science project! My fabulous barbecue tasted like lighter fluid and charcoal dust!
The next day we had some nice weather, sunny and 79. Perfect weather for boating. Beau purchased a new tube which looked like it would be an awesome good time. I chickened out watching Alex being pulled on it. I was watching Alex hold on for dear life and being bounced around enough that I was sure he was going to call 1-800-Ask Gary after his ride was over. I would look out of the corner of my eye and see Beau snickering while watching Alex through the rear view mirror every time he hit a big wave. There was no way that I was going to get on that thing. Beau was taking too much pleasure in Alex's discomfort.
Later that night when my overwhelming agitation was finally beginning to wear off the weather took a turn for the worse. Mandi, Dani, John and I were playing an abbreviated version of Bunco. Mandi and I were chugging our wine (No, Mr. Officer, Sir we did not know this was a dry county) and beginning to feel giddy. The lightening started, a clap of thunder and a few sprinkles. We had enough time to transport everything into the tents. The rain began to pour and continued for two hours. The tent roof began holding water and we would take turns walking from the covered screen porch into the tent to push the water pockets up so that the water would run down the sides. About midway through the storm I realized that I had left our small tent unzipped during the quick pickup! I ran out in pouring rain to zip it up and on my way back to the big tent I tripped over the rope that was staked from the ground to the top of the tent. Why were they all laughing? What a buzz kill! The tents were no match for this rain. The water began dripping through and when it was all over every blanket, pillow, sheet and towel were drenched. We put the girls in the truck. Dani, John, Alex and Mandi found the only damp (unsubmerged) spot in the big tent. Josh slept in his car. Beau and I slept in our soaked tent. Terry slept in his posh tent as dry as a bone. I am not sure he even knew we had a storm!
By morning, I was done! With only a few hours of sleep, my clothes were damp (and not in a good way) and my back was stiff from laying in the fetal position for hours to keep from freezing to death, I was ready to go. We packed the truck, loaded the children and headed for the city! I said, "I will never go camping again". I am sure I will after I forget the trauma of the whole ordeal. Kind of like childbirth. After Danielle, I said I would never do that again and we know how that ended up!
Our camping trip was a bust. Not so bad that it would be classified as a total disaster but bad enough that it most likely won't be looked back upon and laughed about. I am not sure that I can properly describe the events of our trip. First of all, we got a late start so when we arrived at the lake we only had a little daylight left to set up tents and organize all of the camping gear. I had pre-cooked the best BBQ pulled pork ever. Because it was nearly nine 0' clock by the time we set up camp we were all starving. Now, if you know Beau you know that he is not a man's man. He does not scratch and spit. He certainly does not wear an apron adorning the words, "kiss the cook" and he has only flipped a few hot dogs on a few occasions. I am the Grillmaster! He just likes to catch shit on fire! So in our haste to eat, he doused the coals with an excessive amount of lighter fluid (frequently) to get it really hot, really fast. All the time, the pan of yummy barbecue is beginning to warm and I would walk past it occassionally to give it a little stir. By this time, I am about halfway through a bottle of white and "talking up" how good my barbecue is. How I baked it for six hours the day before and how the spices are absolutely perfect. I fix the girls a plate and sit them at the picnic table. Beau, Terry and Alex are busy with their own plate. I sit down with mine and Terry and Alex with bun in hand look at me like I have two heads and Alex shyly asks, "Uhh Mom, did you taste this?" Oh My Lord! It tasted like an eighth grade science project! My fabulous barbecue tasted like lighter fluid and charcoal dust!
The next day we had some nice weather, sunny and 79. Perfect weather for boating. Beau purchased a new tube which looked like it would be an awesome good time. I chickened out watching Alex being pulled on it. I was watching Alex hold on for dear life and being bounced around enough that I was sure he was going to call 1-800-Ask Gary after his ride was over. I would look out of the corner of my eye and see Beau snickering while watching Alex through the rear view mirror every time he hit a big wave. There was no way that I was going to get on that thing. Beau was taking too much pleasure in Alex's discomfort.
Later that night when my overwhelming agitation was finally beginning to wear off the weather took a turn for the worse. Mandi, Dani, John and I were playing an abbreviated version of Bunco. Mandi and I were chugging our wine (No, Mr. Officer, Sir we did not know this was a dry county) and beginning to feel giddy. The lightening started, a clap of thunder and a few sprinkles. We had enough time to transport everything into the tents. The rain began to pour and continued for two hours. The tent roof began holding water and we would take turns walking from the covered screen porch into the tent to push the water pockets up so that the water would run down the sides. About midway through the storm I realized that I had left our small tent unzipped during the quick pickup! I ran out in pouring rain to zip it up and on my way back to the big tent I tripped over the rope that was staked from the ground to the top of the tent. Why were they all laughing? What a buzz kill! The tents were no match for this rain. The water began dripping through and when it was all over every blanket, pillow, sheet and towel were drenched. We put the girls in the truck. Dani, John, Alex and Mandi found the only damp (unsubmerged) spot in the big tent. Josh slept in his car. Beau and I slept in our soaked tent. Terry slept in his posh tent as dry as a bone. I am not sure he even knew we had a storm!
By morning, I was done! With only a few hours of sleep, my clothes were damp (and not in a good way) and my back was stiff from laying in the fetal position for hours to keep from freezing to death, I was ready to go. We packed the truck, loaded the children and headed for the city! I said, "I will never go camping again". I am sure I will after I forget the trauma of the whole ordeal. Kind of like childbirth. After Danielle, I said I would never do that again and we know how that ended up!
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