The Big RED Seamstress!

I haven't written in a few days so I will do my best to recap!

Saturday I woke up late for my Yard Sale. Beau had already set everything up for the most part but it took me a while to wake up. We had a steady stream of customers all day. I made about 140 bucks. That was pretty good for a days work! I also got a second degree sunburn. It is miserable! It is on my legs, the bottom half of my arms and my face and throat. The sun was beating down on my entire front. My knee caps are glowing, I have a farmer's tan from Hell on the bottom half of my arms, I have flip-flop tan lines and besides the immense pain I have two huge white circles around my eyes. Actually, one circle is much more prominent than the other so it looks like I went tanning in Captain Hooks eye patch! It is so ridiculous! Every time I look in the mirror I laugh at myself! It hurt so badly on Saturday night I decided to drink a bottle of wine. This seemed to help if only temporarily. Mandi and Josh came over, we sat on the porch while they listened to me complain that my knee caps were going to explode! I have not had a sunburn this bad in eleven years. Mandi and I watched the 20/20 special covering the Craig's List Killer and I decided I probably don't want to list my services there anymore! Truth be told, I was amazed at how many people sell their body. But that's a story for another day.

Sunday I was in pain most of the day, pickling my legs with apple cider vinegar, spraying them down with Solarcaine and popping Ibuprofen and Aspirin like they were M&Ms! At times like this I wish I were a junkie! I made an awesome meatloaf for dinner, along with cheesy potatoes and salad! I tossed in some different ingredients this time and it worked out wonderfully. I wish I had some leftovers! Reaching into the oven to pull the casserole dishes out with my fiery arms not the best idea I have ever had. Ouch! I watched Desperate Housewives and Brothers and Sisters like I always do on Sunday night and went to bed. I didn't sleep well though. I woke up at 1:30 and I could feel my heart beating in my knees.

Today Mandi came over after she dropped Emily at school. Her off day is Monday but she has been on a mini vacation since Wednesday. Mandi made fun of my face for a while...you know, ARR, ARR Captain! Sunscreen $4.00, Floppy Hat $10.00, Being the butt of her jokes Priceless! Mandi, Avery and I piled into the car and picked Danielle up from school to go Prom Dress shopping. For six hours. Danielle has a dress designed in her head and will not settle for anything else. This dress does not exist or at least any of the places we went. Trying on dress after dress and nothing was what she had imagined we decided we would alter a dress to her liking. So we found a dress with a really cute top half and I now have to make the bottom half. This should be interesting. This is a little more elaborate than making Halloween Costumes so I hope that I can pull it off and I only have little more than two weeks to do so! I started on it tonight and realized we didn't purchase nearly enough fabric. This is already not looking good. I know where I will be going tomorrow.

TGIF

TGIF!! Today was partly eventful and mostly sunny! Finally, the weather is fantastic. Sunny and 85. See, that's what I am talking about. Every day should be this way. I am a little manic and the only way that I can tell is that I am talking more than normal. Poor, Jennifer couldn't get off the phone with me tonight! That's just a risk you take when I dial and you answer! Anyway, we had a good conversation. I recapped her on my day.

I woke up this morning, got Haylee off to school and she was in a chipper mood two days in a row...Henny Penny the sky is falling! Sarah stopped by on her lunch hours and chatted for a while and while she was here Mandi popped over too. So we were talking and laughing about a little bit of everything but mostly I was updating them on the status of the Casey Anthony case, the Haleigh Cummings case, the Sandra Cantu case, Crazy ass Octomom and the two fifth graders selling weed at school. OK, yes I watch HLN way too much but that's OK. At least, I am current. I also know that Obama is raising the amount of the grant for this year and next year and with a daughter starting college in the fall this is fabulous news!

After Sarah left Mandi stayed for a while. She was waiting for Emi to get out of school so she could take her to the dentist. I live closer to the girls school than she does. I laid on the couch for a minute and passed out. I don't mean dozed off...I straight passed out! For about 20 minutes. I don't know what is going on...hot and cold and passing out. It must be hormonal! I am too young for this nonsense! By the way, Mandi called me after Emi's appointment to report that Emi has a crush on her dentist and when he walked in the room she said, "I'm all yours Doc!" That kid is something else!

I received the strangest texts on my cell phone at around two in the morning but I didn't notice them until mid morning. They were actually quite disturbing. They sounded like a suicide note of sorts. They were from a number that I did not recognize and addressed to Granddad. Apparently, it was the wrong number but I felt compelled to call and check on the person that sent them. She said her name was Kim in the text. I was able to reach her and she said she was OK. I sure hope so!

Beau got home from work early today. He typically works his forty by noonish on Fridays. Avery, Danielle and I went to the grocery which I have been needing to do and putting off for many days. It always takes too long and I spend way too much money but I decided this past Sunday to clip coupons for the first time and I actually saved $1.55. It was so worth it!

Later in the evening I watched Nancy Grace for the first time in weeks. I have been slacking! Then off to Facebook Land. Of course, being Friday, noone was online so it was me playing Bejewled for the three millionth time. I do believe I need a twelve step program!

My yard sale is tomorrow, hopefully I will make a stack of cash! Jennifer wants to go to Garden Ridge.

What Goes Down Must Come Up!

Finally! I am finally out of the funk I was in. I am happy today. I woke up fully recharged and ready to take on the world...or at least the laundry that has accumulated while I was out of commission. So that is what I have been doing all day. Loads upon loads of dirty laundry is now clean, fresh, so yummy you want to eat it laundry. In addition, I decided to go ahead and do the summer/winter switch for Haylee and Avery. It is going to be 85 degrees here tomorrow and up until Tuesday. I can't really send the girls out to the swing set in a snowsuit and goulashes, now can I? So, the plan is a friend is coming to pick out what she wants tomorrow and then the rest will go into my massive yard sale Saturday. Currently, my living room floor looks like sale table at the Wal-Mart. I have clothes sorted and stacked according to short sleeve, long sleeve, shorts, pants, outfits, pajamas, stocking. People should not have this many clothes...it just means more laundry! I am glad that is done and out of the way.

I watched Grey's Anatomy tonight, which probably was a bad idea just coming off a downer! I cried like a school girl. I warned Danielle not to watch it while she is PMSing! She didn't listen. Note to self...buy more toilet tissue!

I am having a yard sale on Saturday. I love having yard sales. I get to get rid of all my clutter and make money to buy more clutter! It seems I am always caught up in a catch 22!

The Balloon Glow is tomorrow night and the race is Saturday. I have a friend that crews for someone that has a balloon. Beau used to do it. His friend, Ron took me up once. Just a lift off. It scared the crap out of me. He kept walking around in that tiny basket, checking controls and what not. Everything looks so neat from that far up though. Like miniature dollhouses, it reminded of something from childhood. Needless to say, that will be the last time I do that and the closest thing to ever getting on an airplane!

Plan for tomorrow...BE HAPPY AGAIN!

Cali, Perez and other Stupid Bitches!!!!

I am currently in the middle of a "mixed episode". What does this mean, you ask? Well, there is a technical medical definition. But, for me, it means I am seriously agitated and tend to say things that provoke a response. Very combative. However, I do not have the energy for a full on confrontation. I don't even have the energy to talk. My brain is non-stop with it's fleeting thoughts. Last night I even thought about how many thoughts I have per second. If that clears it up for you. I cannot sleep but I am exhausted. It is a catch 22 in it's worst form. I have absolutely nothing to talk about because I have done absolutely nothing to talk about. I did make the best chili ever for dinner. I must say I am the best cook this side of....Everywhere! I know what you are thinking, Grandiose behavior...not...this is actually true...ask anyone! The whole purpose of the chili was to hopefully coax me "up" a little. Spicy food works when you have a sinus infection so I thought, hey, why not this! I can't see that has much effect but it sure was tasty!

I do need to talk about my husband, Beau, whom is always supportive when I have a crash. I am not that high maintenance when I am in a mania, it is just the depression part of of the illness I seem to need help with. It does usually take him a few days to realize I am not just having a bad day but that I am in a downward spiral. By that time, I am down. It is more confusing when I am up and down at the same time. But, as soon as he gets it, he takes the reigns. He takes on more responsibility where the kids are concerned. He takes on the domestic responsibilities of running a household and he does this knowing there are no accolades. Sometimes, I remember to say thank you but for the most part I am just too blue to utter the words. But I am thankful he knows, thankful he understands my illness. As it has taken me a very long time to understand it myself.

It seems like bad things happen in threes...so, my tire is flat, my dryer is making a crazy noise and I have no water pressure in my master bath sink. I don't know what is going on. If this is as bad as it is going to get then I am grateful!

In other news, laying on the couch staring at HLN aimlessly you absorb a lot of useless trivia. First off, How is it that Perez Hilton was even allowed to ask that question? I mean the question concerning gay marriage that he proposed to Ms. California. She was obviously not prepared to answer it and did a poor job. I could have found a better response on the fly! But I firmly believe that his question was only to provoke a reaction from the American Viewers. I think he could give two shits what her answer was! The national media attention that this has brought to his webcast is invaluable! Do you know how many people would be reading my blog daily if I had my fifteen minutes of fame? I suspect you will be seeing him in the timeslot directly following "Rock of Love"! And as for Ms. Cali, the only thing that anyone will ever remember about her is that she was the one with "the question". However, this should be nice springboard for her career!

Also, When will Nancy Grace stop talking about the Casey Anthony Case? I admit I have followed that story from day one and have even tried to call into her show to voice my opinion on many occasions but isn't there some other child she should be searching for? After all, isn't she the poster child for child advocates?

Lastly, is anyone really that interested in the Ocotmom? Seriously? So, she had eight babies at the same time....big deal. She is boring, she brings nothing new and she is no more mentally or emotionally unstable than anyone I know, including me. In addition, she talks so damned slowly! In her defense, she probably can't help it beings that her face is all hemmed up! Give me a reality show, I will be crackin' Yalls' ass up!

I have made myself make this entry tonight! I know that this will not work for the purpose for which it was created if I only write when I am level or manic. I must also write about the lows.
Perhaps, this has been more therapeutic than I would have imagined, and you may have gained some insight about how this disorder affects everyday folks.

EDUCATION INFORMATION ENCLOSED

I have been having a crappy day for sure! I have had no energy today. I think it may be PMS, or a hellacious mood swing. I have even cried tonight. Which really sucks because I haven't cried in a really long time. Most of my days have been filled with laughter lately. Beau was gone almost all day long, Danielle was at work and Mandi took Haylee and Avery to see Hannah Montana. Alex and I were the only ones here. We decided to take a ride up to Steak N Shake for lunch/dinner. We sat in the drive-thru after placing our order for 25 minutes. We were there so long I think my credit card expired. Who has ever heard of road rage at the drive-thru window? I guess that is kind of where it started. I have been trying to do laundry all day. There is always so much of it that it drives me crazy...why must people change clothes more than two times a day? It seems a bit excessive! Not to mention that if someone doesn't clean or make Haylee and Avery clean their room properly I am going to lose my ever-lovin' mind! It is as if Ninjas crashed through their bedroom door and karate chopped everything to the floor. Bruce Lee is no match for my daughters. So the problem with this, I absolutely refuse to walk in their room so now I have piles of their clean laundry in my living room, thus causing more clutter. I am not sure if I have mentioned this but clutter in my environment results in clutter in my brain. When I feel this way I can either vent until I am exhausted or go to sleep and pray I wake up in a different way. I would choose the latter except that I have been having trouble sleeping the last week or so. This will probably be the longest post in the history of posts because I will just ramble on about how bad my life sucks until my fingers are tired. Which could be never because I am a professional key clacker! I have been trying to hide up in my room ever since everyone returned home so as to not offend anyone, hurt their feelings or say something I don't mean and will certainly regret. This would be successful if they would all leave me alone. They think it is somehow necessary to burden my brain with a request that most definitely could wait until at least tomorrow.

I did try to find something on the internet linking body temperature to BiPolar and nothing. I left a post on a message board and hopefully someone will respond letting me know that I am not the only one this happens to. Before I fall into a depression, I get so cold and it makes no difference what I do I cannot warm up! I am not cold today. It is just something that has been on my mind the last couple of days. I just realized a pattern that hadn't occurred to me before.

For those of you who may be following my blog and don't really know what having BiPolar Disorder entails I am including a list of symptoms and how I am affected.

Common signs and symptoms of mania include:
Feeling unusually “high” and optimistic OR extremely irritable
Unrealistic, grandiose beliefs about one’s abilities or powers
Sleeping very little, but feeling extremely energetic
Talking so rapidly that others can’t keep up
Racing thoughts; jumping quickly from one idea to the next
Highly distractible, unable to concentrate
Impaired judgment and impulsiveness
Acting recklessly without thinking about the consequences
Delusions and hallucinations (in severe cases)

When I am manic I typically am highly agitated and everything is so annoying that it is almost unbearable. Other times, I am super duper happy!
I don't think I have any "special powers" but at times I do perceive myself in a different light. I feel like I am smarter, faster, prettier, funnier...a better version of myself.
I sleep very few hours at a time and am not tired but common sense tells me I should be so I get frustrated that I haven't slept.
I have never been told that I am speaking too quickly but I realize that I talk more than normal. I will call everyone I know until someone answers and I have really nothing to talk about but will ramble on. I have caught myself thinking out loud before. I know sad, right?
My brain never shuts up! Is the best way to describe it. Most people just lay their heads down on their pillow and they are asleep in minutes....I take hours.
I am so easily distracted. I have all of these good intentions in my head but cannot get it together to complete any one of them. I find myself pacing around my house trying to figure out what to do next...It's almost like an extreme form of feeling overwhelmed.
I do work really hard not do anything stupid that I will regret but this has not always been the case. I have done so many irrational, irresponsible things over the years before I was diagnosed, got a good handle on recognizing what is going on with me so I can head it off at the past. This is probably one reason that I stay in my house more than most people. It is a safehaven.
I have never had hallucinations but I swear once I had medication induced delusions. My doctor had put me on Abilify, which by the way I consider the Devil's prescription! It caused me to truly believe there was someone in my house. I was completely terrified. I was only on it for a few days before this started and I was only on it for about a week after. But that was the most antagonizing week of my life.

Common symptoms of bipolar depression include:
Feeling hopeless, sad, or empty.
Irritability
Inability to experience pleasure
Fatigue or loss of energy
Physical and mental sluggishness
Appetite or weight changes
Sleep problems
Concentration and memory problems
Feelings of worthlessness or guilt
Thoughts of death or suicide

When depressed I have experienced all of these symptoms at one time or another and my depressions always last way too long. My memory seems worse with mania than depression and I chalk it up to the fact that I am thinking so fast that my brain doesn't have time to catalog it all. Life just seems too overwhelming to deal with and I don't have the capability or desire to rise from bed. I cannot even watch TV. Which if you knew me you would know this is a terrible tragedy all by itself! I don't eat but I haven't lost any weight. This is due to the type of medication I take, though. And, I have come to the conclusion that I would rather be fat than nuts! And yes, the worst part is you do want to die and think it is the only way out of your head. As uncomfortable as that makes people it does exist.

The good news is that with medication, therapy or a combination of both most people live normal lives! This is really true but for me it doesn't feel that way at this exact moment!

Bookies, BBQ and Bad Memory!

Today is Saturday, Thunder Over Louisville. For those of you who don't know what this is, it is the kick-off to the Kentucky Derby, the most famous two minutes in sports! I don't know why I am so excited about that. I didn't go downtown to the festivities and I didn't even watch the televised fireworks extravaganza! I most likely will not have a Derby party to attend and I don't know any Bookies personally. Well, not anymore. This was my dad's favorite time of year. He knew Bookies. He could have possibly been one. Nevertheless, he needed Gambler's Anonymous! I remember once he said he loved the horses more than my Mother!

Last night I didn't make an entry because I went to bed early. I know, right! I did break out the grill for the first time of the season. We had incredible weather. Men usually posses the grilling abilities but not in my family! I am the BBQ Master! I made chicken, roast potatoes and salad. It was awesome. A dear friend, Jennifer came over to visit and have a glass of wine. UGGH, yes I had a glass of wine! It is good for the arteries! Then Terry came over with his new puppy. He has named that pup, Mini D. I sure hope he doesn't think he is getting any child support! That puppy is so playful and cute. I wish everyone was not allergic and I didn't have a hangup about having pet hair on my furniture, floor, clothes, etc. Jennifer, Terry, Beau, Kevin, my next door neighbor, and I sat on the front porch talking about everything from dog breeds to cheating, lying exes. I logged some time on Facebook, took my medication and went to bed.

Today, was not so eventful socially. Danielle was with her friend Nicole all day until she went to work and Beau and Alex went fishing with Kevin. It was just me and the girls. They played outside most of the day with the neighbor kids. Haylee did a back handspring on the trampoline and scared the crap out of me! I don't ever want her to do that again! I decided to cut the limbs up that are still scattered all over my back yard from the January ice storm. Beau did a little last weekend but there were still so many left I decided to go ahead and knock it out. I lost half my willow tree and more than half of two large Maples. I feel good about getting that done. I understand why it takes so long to rebuild war torn countries! I did get a little sun on my arms...which translates to a few more freckles. I would absolutely love to have a Brazilian tan just for one day! I also gave myself a pedicure. I have been wanting to try the new Revlon PediExpert so I bought one Friday and the results are in....it's Fab! I have the feet of a 22 year old! I wonder if this would work on my hips?

I really know the importance of keeping this journal now. I was reminded tonight by an old friend of an incident that happened nearly 20 years ago. I had no idea what he was talking about and thought he was just making things up to mess with my mind. If this weren't the first incident like this I would think that was true. People tell me all the time that I had said something or did something or they had seen me somewhere in the past and I never remember. This really provokes me to want to be hypnotized. It also scares the pants off of me. My grandmother has Alzheimer's and I am so afraid I will get it too. I have asked my therapist about this in the past and she says that I shouldn't worry about it. The problem is the more I reconnect with old friends and we reflect on the good ole days it is brought to my attention that there is one more thing I have absolutely no recollection of. If it is this bad and I am only 36 what happens when I am 50?

Much Ado About Nothing!

What a day! Started the day with the same argument with Haylee that I have every morning! She doesn't want to wear the uniform I picked out! It makes her look fat! I have to agree I absolutely hate the uniform thing too. It seems kind of "cultish". But, she is eight years old and weighs about 45 pounds. She has won pageants for Pete's sake! I do not know where this is coming from. I watch the shows that she watches and they never talk about weight! I hope this is not an early indication that she is going to be plagued with Anorexia or Bulimia! I am really starting to worry about this. At this point, I am not sure what I should do, if anything, but I do know I am really getting tired of battling her on this issue every day!

Avery and I went to Debbie's today to clean her house in exchange for some babysitting services I received a couple of weeks ago. That is always a nice exchange especially since Danielle has a job and a life of her own. Finding a sitter is not the easiest thing to do since Avery is allergic to almost everything including animals. There are not too many households without a pet. I really have to put Alex into training! So, we were over there for about four hours some of it just sitting around chit chatting about recent happenings. Not much to report. After we came home, I decided to let Avery finally spend the night with my Mom, Grandma Janice. She has been asking all week long. She loves to go over there but I think she sometimes wears Mom out. Mom does a lot with her, putting together puzzles, coloring pictures, they even clip coupons. I have never seen a child so interested in saving 55 cents on a bag of pizza rolls! I think Avery is an old soul!

Haylee and I stopped at Rite Aid to pick up my medicine before heading home. That was the longest trip ever. I told her if she was good she could get something. We milled over the Crayola products for nearly half an hour before she decided she wanted yet another coloring book! I swear these kids have so many crayons and coloring books that Oprah could provide all of the children in her charity countries with one! I think Haylee buys a box a week at the school bookstore with her bribe money!

Beau and I have been getting along really well the last few months. I am so happy about this. Lord, knows I have put him through a lot over the years. I am upset, however, about this crappy boat he went and bought. It looks like the S.S Minner! So I say, "Gilligan, how are you planning to fix it up?". He spent all of his fun money on this piece of crap! He thinks it is a masterpiece since it has some type of Mustang engine or something like that. I tune him out when starts talking about parts! The upside of this is that he and Alex have "man thangs" to do together. I am sure I never mentioned it but I will now. Alex is my son from my first marriage. His father signed over his parental rights and Beau adopted Alex in 2005. The bonding thing is something I cannot complain about and I guess if it requires a GOD AWFUL boat then so be it! I do wish it did not have to sit in my driveway.

Recently, I have been logging a lot of time on Facebook. I think someone is going to have to come roll my ass over...I think I am getting a bedsore! This is not completely a bad thing though. I have reconnected with a lot of old friends and considering for the last twenty years I have not really had many friendships this is truly a good thing. When I left home when I was seventeen I lost touch with everyone except two, Monica and Jennifer. I acquired my ex-husbands friends but lost them when we divorced. They were never really "my" friends anyway. I really haven't had anyone to tell my sob stories or share my good news with on a daily basis. Now, I can sign on anytime I want and find someone willing to listen to me babble on!

Until tomorrow, Peace and Chicken Grease!

My Neck, My Back, My Back and My Neck!!

Aww, sweet relief. I think I am finally past the worst of this cold. It is about time. I worked around the house most of the day, wasted time on Facebook and kept my niece, Emily until her mom got home from work.

First off, I woke up this morning in a much better mood than yesterday! I started cleaning right off. I decided I would finally rearrange and organize my kitchen cabinets. I moved all of the dishes to where the food used to be and all of the food to where the dishes were. I do this for two reasons. I like things to change all of the time. I don't know what my hangup is about that. I am sure some deep-seeded issue from childhood. And, because I like to mess with the kids, Just for giggles! The only problem is sometimes I forget that I have moved them too! So all of the cabinets are June Cleaver tidy, as well as the inside of the refrigerator. I predict they will only stay that way until Danielle or Alex is asked to put away the dishes!

Mandi called today explaining that the school had called and wanted her to pick Emily up. She was complaining of her back hurting. When she was at my house Saturday she somehow managed to fall off of the ladder of Haylee's bunk bed. She has been complaining about her back hurting ever since. Off and on. Mandi and I tried to recreate the scene to figure out exactly what Emily may have hit her back on. The only thing we can think is she fell backwards on Avery's tiny piano. Emily is an actress so we never can tell if what she is saying is true. She is also a mini hypochondriac. She really takes after my older sister Cherie. They are like two peas in a sicko pod. Mandi brings her over and by all accounts I could not see that anything was wrong with her. She and Avery played Wii, made a total mess of the Playdough, bickered a bit, I even found her crawling under the kitchen table. I said, "Emily, what are you doing, I thought your back hurt?" and her reply..."Oh, it is hurting!". Really? To my point, when Mandi picked her up she gave her mother an ultimatum, she says, "you can get me an x-ray, give me some medicine, or take me to the doctor, that is your three choices, MOM! First off, it was hysterical the way that she so matter-of-factly stated her demand and two, what in the world does an eight year old know about X-rays? I know for a fact that she is in bed when Mandi watches ER. Mandi, called me later in the evening to let me know the status of the patient. The doctor could not find anything wrong, not even a pulled muscle. So Mandi and I have come to the conclusion that this is probably attention seeking behavior.

In other news, Danielle won a Kentucky Journalism award at a banquet today. It was for DJ/Newscast. The award entailed that she has the best female voice of all submitted entries...over 800 students. I would say that is pretty darn good! First, her sports photos are published in Vype Magazine, now this! She is doing a mother proud!

My plan for tomorrow will be to clean Debbie's house. She babysat for Beau and I and I told her I would give her place a once over. That was weeks ago and I haven't made it over there yet.

Enter at Your Own Risk!

I am in the poopiest mood today. I woke up this way. It is not mental but it is emotional and physical. I don't know if I am just having a bad day or a downward spiral. The only difference is duration. I have noticed though, every time I start feeling low, I get really cold and I cannot no matter what I do get warm. I think I will google "body temperature + bipolar" and see what comes up.

Everything is just annoying the begeezis out of me today! It started when I woke up. Avery popped an attitude with me first thing. Which is out of the ordinary. She has been grating my nerves all day long and usually I hang onto every little thing she says...she is so charming. My bad mood just progressively has gotten worse throughout the day. By the time Beau got home with dinner (I asked him to bring home Spaghetti Shop because I love it and thought it would be comfort food) I was just agitated to a point that I hopped into bed. But I was too restless to sleep. I decided if I took a spa bath that would mellow me out so I fill the tub, the wine glass and turn on the nightlight. Relief was temporary. I was good until the water dropped below 100 degrees and couldn't heat it up because I used all the hot water. I may need a 7,000 gallon tank. I am thinking about going to fill the tub again in a while. I am still filling my wine glass, however. I had one glass left in the bottle from last week when I was trying to kill the germs in my body with the alcohol. Beau was a sport and ran to the store to replenish my supply, I am now on glass number two. So from the time I jumped out of tub until now I have been sitting on the computer away from the kids and the TV and the noise. The only thing irritating me now is the click clacking of the keyboard. Which I normally, find exciting because that means I am typing at least eighty words per minute. Oh, yes my brain is all over the place. I tried to watch TV with Beau but he was watching something called Repo Man and uggghhh the repo-er was arguing with the repo-ee and it was totally stressful! Let me see, Can I bitch some more you ask..why, yes I can! So Alex decides that he will sit under my feet thinking this will persuade me to get off of the computer so he can have a turn. Please, amateur! He finally gave up and went to bed. Enter Danielle. High School tragedy in hand. She has a shoot tomorrow (she is in the communications program) and can not find something "professional" to wear. She begins to raid my closet. Which she knows will yield no results. My clothes are too old for her. She does not want to wear a "knock 'em dead million dollar deal power lunch" business suit! Anyhow, we come up with something young enough to suit her, yet conservative enough to be considered "business attire". Conflict resolved! I have completed my second glass of wine and am now not concerned with punctuation or proper sentence formation. Well, concerned enough to let you know that I am not concerned. I will run the spell check! I spoke to a new friend today on Facebook, apparently it was someone I went to High School with but I do not recall ever knowing. Witty conversation and I realized that I am a treasure trove of useful information when it comes to raising a teenager! This improved my mood somewhat or at least took my mind off of it for a short while! I keep thinking, why oh why? I haven't talked to Mandi today. I guess she is busy, after all, it is American Idol night which I need to watch but I just don't feel like staring at the TV. I seriously need a vacation. Maybe to Aruba or a cheap motel in Jeffersonville!

No Use Crying Over Spilled Paint!

Rainy days and Mondays always get me down! Today is both. There was a heck of a storm this evening. I was sitting on my front porch watching the rain and a huge bolt of lightening lit up the sky. I wasn't prepared for it. I nearly jumped out of my seat. Monday's are always difficult. I have to argue with and sometimes bribe Haylee to get up. It is really sad that sometimes the only way I can get her out of bed is to tell her she can have a dollar for the bookstore. That gets her moving! This morning was no different and it makes no sense at all, she gets between nine and ten hours of sleep. Avery and I relaxed the first part of the morning after dropping Haylee off at school. Danielle stayed home today. She was having something going on with her stomach. She slept a lot today but I think she may be feeling a little better now.

I have been doing laundry all day. I swear it never ends. You should try living in a house with six people, the majority being female! If I had my wish the Maytag Man would deliver to me a commercial industrial sized washing machine and clothes dryer! I could do three loads every other day and it would make my life so much easier. I wonder if there is a sweepstakes that I could enter to win one? The good news is that I am almost done...at least until the next day!

Thunder over Louisville is this Saturday. As of yet, I have no plans. Not that I typically do anything special but I would like to this year. I am feeling good. I am normally severely depressed this time of year. I have to credit the increased Celexa. It definitely has made a huge difference. I have especially noticed that I am not as high strung as I used to be and I don't worry nearly as much. I still have no desire to actually venture down into the middle of that crowd and not so much as being in the crowd but trying to get home in the traffic.

I am supposed to go to Mom's sometime this week. She has Easter Baskets for all of the kids. Like I really need one more chocolate bunny. I combined Avery and Haylee's candy today and filled an entire 1/2 sheet cake box. It is extreme. I have done pretty good about not munching on it myself. But Debbie's chocolate eggs are filled with yummy stuff like caramel and pecans and raisins. Can I count that as a fruit and protein?

Oh, I almost forgot the funniest thing happened....well, you will think it is funny but I didn't at the time. I collected all of the dirty clothes from the kids rooms and threw them on the landing at the top of the basement stairs. When I am ready to wash, I kick them all down the stairs and sort them at the bottom. I know lazy but, whatever! So, I either didn't know or didn't remember that I had sat the already opened can of white trim paint on the landing sometime last week, I guess. The clothes covered the can and later when I kicked the clothes down the stairs....the paint can goes rolling down the stairs. Luckily, it did not open until it hit the tiled floor below. I went barreling down the stairs as fast as a portly girl with half a lung could go all the while screaming OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD! I ended up cleaning up about two cups of paint from the floor and surprisingly it didn't get on any clothes! Note to self, stop kicking shit!

Let's see what kind of mess I can get into tomorrow!

Woo Wee, am I tired. The last two days have been exhausting. Saturday we had the Quadruple Birthday Party and Sunday, of course was Easter! This cough is still hanging on. I guess it will show me!

The big birthday bash was held at my in-laws' house. Pretty much everyone was there, even Beau's sister Debi Jo came in from Ohio with her two boys. We celebrated with cake and ice cream and of course presents! That is always the best part! When we arrived there was a huge inflatable bouncer on the side yard for all of the kids to jump in and boy did they ever! Beau, Debi Jo and even Debbie took a tumble in it! I was not quick enough with my camera to get the goods on them though. Most of the day was spent sitting around talking about this and that. Gabe is now one and he is almost walking. Oh by the way, Gabe is my nephew and the youngest of the Flores Brood. He is just the cutest thing and has the most endearing personality for such a little guy. I love it when Debi Jo brings him into town. Amber hurt her back and spent a big part of the day in the ER trying to find out what exactly she might have done. Turns out to be a pulled muscle. I don't know many 16 year olds' that go down in the back. Grandmother got Haylee the prettiest dress and she wore it for Easter with her fancy shoes that Grandma Debbie got her. Haylee suffers from princess complex and is typically a drama queen! So, when she opened the gift bag containing the kid-sized fake fingernails she went into a tizzy! Life is grand!

When we got home I proceeded to clean. I don't know where I got the sudden burst of energy but in less than two hours I had completely cleaned the living room, dining room, kitchen and bath. I am talking dusting, mopping, the works! I assembled all of the baskets and finally ended up in bed near 3:00 am.

Easter began at approximately 6:45 am. Haylee and Avery woke me up hollering the Easter Bunny was here. C'mon Mom, WAKE UP! I scurried down the stairs and told her to wake up Danielle and Alex as well. So they all rummage through their baskets through bloodshot eyes. After about ten minutes of this....back to bed. I got to sleep until almost noon. That was great! Happy Easter to me too. We all get as gussied up as you need to be if your not going to a Sunday Service and head over to Beau's Mom and Dad's house. It was quite strange the kids were more interested in the bouncer still in the side yard than the Easter loot the Bunny left there. We ate the usual Ham and all the fixings. It was delicious. I ate so much I will not have to dial1-800-call-Jenny....she will be calling me! Next, we drive to my sister, Mandi's where she has made the exact dinner I just ate a few hours before. What to do, no worries. I made a plate to go. Avery and I will have a splendid lunch tomorrow. The conversation at the Bagshaw's was the same as usual with the exception that my mom may be going off the deep end. She got into an argument with my older sister, Cherie. If you knew the mild mannered woman that my mom is this would shock you. Mandi witnessed the whole thing earlier in the day and filled me in on the details. My grown sister and two brothers still live at home with my Mom and they have all been at each others throats lately. There is a reason that God gave women menopause, at a certain point they are supposed to stop being mothers. With the current living arrangement this is never going to happen and I fear mom is going to lose her mind! All I know is that I am positive that I have trained my children properly that when they move out...they are not coming back. I long for the day when I can live with white furniture and white carpet.

Something else worth mentioning, Terry got a new puppy for his birthday and I think he has named it Donda. I am not sure if he is joking and I don't know if this is an insult or a compliment. What I do know is that I would never scar a living thing with the name "Donda"!!

OK, This is not Rocket Science!

TGIF....Not much to report today. I laid around most of the day with my failing lung! I really have to man up and get it together. I am thinking, hopefully, by Monday it will be a new week and I will be back to my "normal" self.

Mandi is over tonight to do the Friday night wine drinking ritual, throw in a little egg dye and chocolate and you have a Party!! Actually, she is drinking wine and I have had a taste but I really just wanted to get the eggs dyed and the candy made.

Debbie sent home her candy molds and candy so that the girls could make some. They love to paint the little ducks and bunnies with the colored candy chips that we melt in a paint tray. I get the lovely chore of melting the chocolate in a double boiler, carefully funneling it into a squirt bottle to then squirt it into the molds the girls just painted. The result is beautiful from a mother's eye and delicious all the same!

Candy check! Next, the eggs. OK, this should not really be rocket science but Mandi and Danielle can complicate any situation. The little tablets were not dissolving properly and they were overly concerned with the amount of vinegar in the cups. I said, "Please, just let me do this, I have been doing this for 18 years"! All went well with the egg coloring except for one little incident where Emily hurled an egg at Haylee. That was quickly settled and back to the coloring. Avery did particularly well applying stickers to her eggs. So they all turned out beautiful and after the kids are asleep I will go back and redye them all! I know...sounds bad but I also do this when the kids put the dishes away and the cups are upside down or I will re-clean a room that someone thinks they just cleaned. My perception of my environment is quite different from everyone I live with. What they think is clean is just straightened to me. OK, I know I veered off the subject but I am a little scatterbrained lately.

I have a huge weekend in front of me. Tomorrow at some point I have to go get all the fixings for Easter Baskets. We have a quadruple birthday party at 2:00 tomorrow. It is my father-in-law, Flip's, my two nephews, Theo and Gabe and of course Haylee's. All of their birthdays fall within about the same 10 days! I hope Debbie is making her spaghetti and meatballs! Sunday we will head back over there for dinner and the 5,000 Easter egg hunt. Ok, I am exaggerating but not by much. If I had to guess I would say there are over 200 treasure filled eggs hidden in the yard for all of the grand kids! Mandi also mentioned that she really wants to have Easter dinner here too so I may be cooking something but I told her that she was helping because I am not standing over an oven with this poor lung! Again, I really need to man up! Could I possibly bitch anymore?? Actually, I could and have but I am really trying to turn over a new leaf! Positive Patsy!

White Wine and The Easter Bunny!

Well, I am feeling much better tonight. When all else fails drink wine, I say! I have taken every over the counter cold medication that I could get my hands on in the past week with barely any relief. Tonight, I decided Dr. Feelgood would come in the form of a soft white. After three glasses I can breathe....awwww! I have been able to clean my house a little and do multiple loads of laundry which I might add requires me to walk up and down stairs. Probably not the best way to handle a chest cold but hey, if it works! I am so sick of being sick. It is totally disrupting my life. If anyone is concerned I am still a little manic, I think. I know this because I cannot stop talking even though it is taking too much oxygen.

Tonight Mandi came over, her life in turmoil. She is conflicted about the direction of her future. I think I gave her the best advice a sister could give....follow your heart. I hope she listens to it, her heart that is! As always, she is a ton of laughs. I don't think that there is a better dynamic between any two people on earth like the one that we have. When we are in our sixties and our bladders have fallen I am sure we will not be so thankful that we make each other laugh so much. Umm DEPENDS! OK, ya caught me-there was a pun intended!

I have not had a conversation with the Easter Bunny yet, and having four kids this is long overdue. I suspect this will be one of my errands tomorrow. I did make up a ginormous lie tonight to benefit the keeping of the innocence. My mother-in-law, Debbie makes fantastic candies for the holidays and Easter especially! So you want to include these in the kiddies' baskets. Anyway, so I proceed to tell Haylee I saw Grandma Debbie on the news today! I couldn't believe it! Someone wrote on the Internet about Grandma's candy and then the Easter Bunny found out about it and now he is going to buy all of Grandma's candy and she is going to be a millionaire! It was even on the news. Haylee believes this because for one she knows all about the Internet, for eight she is a whiz! And, she knows I watch the news constantly! So not only is she expecting a really good birthday present from Grandma since she is now rich tomorrow she will hear from the older cousins that they saw Grandma on Nancy Grace with the Easter Bunny! OK, overboard you say, not at all! Nancy Grace is a household name around here. So you know, I did clue Debbie in on my convoluted story and she is going to recruit the older cousins.

One other insignificant thing....my husband Beau has got to be losing his mind! I sent him to Krogers last night to get some breakfast food and told him to pick up some little TV dinners for me and Avery to have for lunch today. So at lunchtime I look in the freezer for my Marie Calenders and to my surprise......SmartOnes...Diet Food, are you fucking kidding me??? I know I said the "F" word but is there really any other word that properly emphasizes my displeasure with his choice??

Backfat and other Controversial Topics

First things first! I am feeling a little better today. Thank the Heavens because my household chores are piling up. I have been doing laundry all day in between the wheezing and nose blowing.

Since I have not actively participated in life since last Friday I asked my good friend Terry to give me a topic. Before I give you the topic I'll give you the history. Terry and I went to High School together. We weren't really that close. But I knew he was gay. In the past couple of months we have reconnected (you guessed it via FaceBook) and I realize that he is very wise, very insightful. Not to mention hot! But of course, what gay guy do you know that isn't? Most of us straight girls usually refer to that as a waste! I've said that to him before but now that I type it out I wonder if that is offensive? I can see how it could be. Lucky for me, I have learned over the past two years how to not worry what people think about me as much as I used to. That really was one of my big hang ups. I never really even liked to go to buffets because I would think people were staring at me, thinking I was too fat and that I shouldn't be eating at all! I can probably blame this for my 25 pound weight gain.

Anyway, back to the matter at hand. Terry is ecstatic about legalizing gay marriage in 3 more states. My take on this, it doesn't matter to me at all who your with or who you love or who your doing. Terry talked about how being homosexual was against the law and cited court cases. I told him that I had to write about something I know and this is what I know. My problem is with the insurance companies. Having a background in Human Resources, I seen this all the time. In Kentucky at some of the companies I have worked for, two men or two women living together in a domestic partnership were eligible for health benefits under a company's group plan. However, a man and a woman living together in a domestic partnership were not. How is that fair? So I understand where Terry is coming from when he talks about being discriminated against. I lived with my husband for seven years before we ever actually married. He had his own insurance and I had mine. When I lost my job and insurance in 2003 I couldn't be added to his plan. So, I say let everyone be married to whom they want to be married to so that all of the people just "shacking up" don't feel so discriminated against!

On a lighter note, I am really glad that my favorites are still in the American Idol running! Adam is my favorite then Danny. I am also glad that Paula's costumer decided to listen to me when I said, "Please stop putting her in those strapless dresses each week that pushes her backfat up to her armpits!" I hollared at the T.V and the T.V listened. Awesome! I will try this with the next lottery drawing.

Another random thought...how do I get blog followers? Am I suppose to take out an ad in the Yellow Pages? Just curious!

Mass Confusion

Since I am still battling this terrible head/chest cold and my brain is not functioning properly I am going to pray that I feel much better tomorrow and jot down one of my favorite poems. I wrote it about 15 years ago, I think. Long before I was ever diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder or even ever heard of it. Foreshadowing?

alarm clock rings, little voice
depressed and tired, second choice
crying kids, too many bills
red dress, six inch heels
cruise the strip, drink a beer
turn your cheek, another tear
cherry cheesecake, celery stick
chasing him, I know his trick
restless days, sleepless nights
happy minutes, needless fights
when will my mass confusion end
and all of these jumbled thoughts fall into place?

Most people just borrow a cup of sugar!

I'm as sick as a Dog! Who made up that old saying? It doesn't even make sense. What if the dog is healthy? Anyway, I have taken so many over the counter medications that I could be a mobile meth lab! The head cold is now a chest cold and despite the Robitussin, Mucinex, Theraflu and Benadryl I still feel like total crap! I don't even have medicine head...how bad is that? I have drank almost a gallon of orange juice and apple juice since Friday. On the upside, I have watched an abundance of lifetime movies over the past two days. I think I am set for a while.

Haylee's slumber party was a huge success! She had a great time blowing out candles, opening presents and painting the birdhouses as did her friends. They went to sleep surprisingly early, around 10:30. That was awesome because I was so tired and my head cold was really starting to brew up. The next morning, before my sister, Mandi picked up Emily I pulled her front tooth out. It was so loose it only took a little tug. Now, she has no top front teeth and is ridiculously cute!

As for this mood swing I am in the middle of, I am praying that it will pass. I hate being sick because I end up laying and when I end up laying I end up depressed. I can feel myself becoming more agitated. I'm not full on raging just agitated. Mostly in part because my house is so disheveled. I haven't done my "OCD cleaning routine" all weekend nor has any other grown member of the household which totally ticks me off! It would be fantastic if someone would just loan me an oxygen tank so that I can scrub my floors! Also, because Beau's friend Daniel (which by the way may be as crazy as me) came over and told me that something was wrong with his grill and went on to say that he wanted to "borrow" the regulator and propane tank from my grill. Needless to say I went apeshit on him! He is not dismantling my grill....has he completely lost his mind? Probably a little irrational on my part but most people just borrow a cup of sugar or two eggs!

My plan for tomorrow is to be able to breathe. We'll have to wait and see.

I have Cooties!

I have Cooties! I should have known when I woke up in the middle of the night with the weird, scratchy, dry throat that it was coming! I have drank a half gallon of orange juice in the past two hours. This stinkin' head cold will not consume me. I have too much to do to get ready for Haylee's party tomorrow night. I still have to get the cake and ice cream and all of the munchies that you are supposed to have on hand when you host a slumber party. I still have to go get the helium balloons. I didn't get them today because I was afraid that they would deflate too quickly. Now that I think about it, those things stay up for days. I did make up all of the little treat bags...so cute! I want a Hannah Montana ink stamper ring too!

I finally got my new curtains hung today...it has been almost a week with no curtains at the front of the house....good darn thing I am not a streaker! Anyway, I have most of the room put together with my new nicnacs but I decided I did not want to put the pictures back up. I want new ones. So when I finally make my mind up I will take a trip to the Garden Ridge.

Kid's say the darndest things! Haylee and Avery were in the backseat of the car today when on the radio came "Sex and Candy" by Marcy's Playground. Avery says, "Awwww Mom, he said the B word". You can't help but laugh.

Danielle, my 17 year old, went camping with a few of her friends this week since they are on Spring Break. I talked to her briefly and she says she is doing fine and having fun. I must admit I am not as worried as I thought I would be. I am very proud of myself for working hard on letting go. She goes away to college in the fall and I figured I better start practicing so I don't completely spas when she is gone. Most days I cannot believe that I am old enough to have a daughter that will be leaving me soon. Oh I am getting misty!

Hopefully tomorrow I will wake up and my sinuses will be clear!!

Today is April Fool's and I got GOT!

Today is April Fool's Day and I forgot so I got got!! The morning started with a text message from my dear friend Terry. It stated, "I talked to Mr. Lyons today and he wants you to call him ASAP along with the phone #". OK, so immediately, my mind went to my old high school teachers...that is the only people I call by Mr. and Mrs. But for the life of me I could not recall ever having a Mr. Lyons! For that matter I couldn't think of a Mr. Lyons that may want to talk to me. So instead of calling the number I text back asking who it was. Terry never responded. So, I finally call the phone # and it is that of the Louisville Zoo. OK so he got me. I have never claimed not to be gullible!

Sue came over today, another high school friend that I recently connected with on Facebook. We took a trip up to the Wal-Mart. She had to pick up some domestic items and I needed to find something for Haylee for her Birthday. She will be eight Friday. We are having a slumber Party so that should be loads of fun. A whole slew of Hannah Montana wearing, Jonas Brother Lovin' girls!! I found a couple cute little presents but my real treasure was the tiny wooden bird houses that the girls will decorate with craft paint. I am thinking about covering my dining room with plastic like Dexter does when he goes in for the kill!

Most of the rest of the day was not so exciting. I did take out Chinese for dinner and will be having it for lunch tomorrow as well. I watched American Idol and was kind of sad that Megan Joy was kicked off even though I knew it was just a matter of time. I liked to watch her crazy dance.

Mandi called and wanted to know if I had watched the "Little Osbournes" last night and no I did not. I detest them but to humor her I looked the skit up on YouTube. It was little nine year olds dressed like Ozzy and Sharon cussing a movie attendant because she would not let them in to see an R rated flick! She thinks this is funny! This is not funny! Perhaps my sense of humor is out of whack or I am just old! Even though most days I have the mouth of a Navy man I do not condone children cussing. I think I got a giggle the first time my kids said piss or damn but to hand children a script and say here learn this and we'll pay you 50 bucks as an extra...I don't think so. OK, I am stepping down from my soapbox! Just had to vent!

I have been rather tired today and my hair looks like crap! I am hoping to go to bed sort of early before the 2 o'clock hour like last night! Sometimes my brain never shuts up and it seems pointless to stare at the inside of my eyelids!

My plans for tomorrow....I am not sure at this point but I know there will be laundry involved!