On the Eleventh Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me...Eleven Pipers Piping. WTF?? Did you get a BOGO on the drummers and pipers? Unless, these are the kind of pipers that can boost my water pressure by 8,000 PSI you are going to have to load them up in the truck and drop them off over there with the drummers!!
On the Tenth Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me.....Ten Lords a Leaping. Now, See!! That is the kinda gift I can really get behind! Men in tights dancing around my living room. It doesn't hurt that every third one looks like Matthew McConaughey!! I will definitely be hittin' up the Ebay for that Festivus Pole!!
On the Ninth Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me....Nine Ladies Dancing. I'm pretty sure he got these for himself! Look here Hookers, you can stay as long as you keep your grubby paws off my Lords...they leap for me!!!
On the Eighth Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me....Eight Maids a Milking. Sadly, I have no livestock to be tended. I don't even play Farmville. However, I do have, laundry, toilets and windows. What's this you say? You specialize in dairy products? Then jog your ass to the kitchen and whip me up a Quiche!!
On the Seventh Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me.....Seven Swans a Swimming. I do hope this is a metaphor for seven insanely hot synchronized swimmers. And, now I must go fill the tub and find my swim cap!!
On the Sixth Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me....Six Geese a Laying. WTF? A gift card would have been sufficient. What are your thoughts on regifting? Merry Christmas Drummers and Pipers!! Enjoy!!
On The Fifth Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me....Five Golden Rings. OH SNAP! This is the best Christmas ever!! Gonna get up in the attic and dig out my hammer pants and my Run DMC cassettes!! Flava Flav eat your heart out!!
On the Fourth Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me....Four Calling Birds. Call girls, NOT call birds. Geez! You never listen to me!
On the Third Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me....Three French Hens. WTF? Did your rich uncle pass and bequeath you an effin' poultry farm? Is this like a cornish hen? Do I stuff it and bake it on 375? There's french wine, french toast, french fries....I could have even learned to play the french horn, ya know!!
On the Second Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me....Two Turtle Doves. More effin' birds? You've got to be shitting me!! Am I being punked? Ashton, where you at?
On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me...A Partridge in a Pear Tree. Bitch, you are going to be delicious with a pear-mango salsa! Thanks Rachel Ray! Your new cookbook is almost as delightful as your voice!
On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me...A Partridge in a Pear Tree. Bitch, you are going to be delicious with a pear-mango salsa! Thanks Rachel Ray! Your new cookbook is almost as delightful as your voice!
Bwwaaahhhaa !!!! Im with you on the synchronized swimmers and yeah.. I dont want no noisy, shitting Christmas gifts!
ReplyDeleteOMG!!! GIRL YOU FREAKING CRACK ME UP!!! WHERE IN THE HELL DO YOU COME UP WITH THIS SHIT?
ReplyDeleteYou never saw this one? I has originally posted this on fb last year...every day for the 12 days before Christmas I made up a different one every day LOL
ReplyDeleteNo I dont think I was following your Blog last December so I missed it! It made my Friday, I can tell you that! I just dont know where you pull this shit from! You are more fucked up than me thats for sure! And Im pretty fucked up! LOL
ReplyDeleteDayum! I am crazy, I was thinking you were my friend Monica since 1st grade LOL I am pretty fucked up...
ReplyDeleteLMBO I missed this last year and am glad I got to see it this year.. so bring the swimmers and the lords and the maids cause there are cows across the street from me when ya'll come down lol
ReplyDelete